President Reassures His Hundreds of Remaining Supporters Following Routine Rectal Roto-Rootering |
| Published: July 23, 2007, 6:19 pm |
| Tags: 2007 |
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THE PRESIDENT: My fellow Americans: Yesterday, I briefly surrendered my reigns of power to Vice President Dick Cheney, on account of I had to get a colonasstomy in case the loving God who appointed me ruler changes His mind and tries to kill me with the ass cancer. I know it's uncomfortable for my adoring public to think of me, their super-macho El Hefe, all drugged up and helpless, de-pantsed, with a ten-foot robot python jimmying so far up my gayhole, it could taste yesterday's Cheetos – but don't worry: I'm OK. And to every fucktard standup comic and late show host who's wondering: NO, they did not find another copy of my Iraq war plan up there! The colonectomy itself only took like, a few minutes, but since it's not every day I get a free pass to dive headfirst off the Narcotics Anonymous wagon, I told them to juice me up but good with the morphine. And so I want to thank Uncle Cheney for taking care of things while I was out. He did a heckuva job while the docs [ Full article ] |
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