President's Statement on Compassionate Decision to Commute the Cruel Sentence of Would-Be Jailhouse Bottom Scooter Libby |
| Published: July 7, 2007, 2:42 pm |
| Tags: 2007 |
|
THE PRESIDENT: I want to take a moment to address my recent commutizing of the prison sentence of that great American patriot, I. Lewis Libby. I know my actions are at flip-flopping odds with all my prior statements opposing the use of my special legal powers to reward the loyalty of folks like Vice Presidential hatchet men, but well, that motherfucker Scooter done blackmailed it out of me in exchange for shutting his face pussy! And how could I say no? After all, there is nothing like sitting in a concrete cell to make a man all sad and blubbery like a sorority girl at her first spring break gang bang. Didn't want ol' Scooter to feel all hurt, and in a moment of weakness, reveal that the only reason we found Saddam Hussein in that there spider hole was because Donald Rumsfeld called him on his personal cell, and our soldiers followed Saddam's "Baby Come Back" Chicago ringtone. And luckily for Scooter, he's not some piss-poor, ignorant colored fella who got sent to Texas' death [ Full article ] |
 Blog link
|
No Comments...