Independence Day 2007: President Psyches Up Iraq-Bound Troops with Pep Talk About Olden Days War We Actually Won

Published: July 4, 2007, 11:20 am

Tags: 2007

THE PRESIDENT: Thank you, West Virginny! Happy 4th of July! You know, on this patriotic day of ant-infested picnics and firecracker-mangled fingers, I'm awful thrilled to be back here, in a state so red, it can't even tell it's knee-deep in the blood of all the dead hillbillies I've fed into the Vietraq meat grinder. (Applause.) No, really, I love coming to your state, on account of no matter how badly I fuck up the world, most of you inbred coal monkeys are too sick with the black lung to even try to complain. (Wheezing Laughter.) I'm proud to stand with the 167th Airlift Wing. Hell, I'm proud to stand with any military folks, on account of they're the only Americans left who know if they so much as look at me funny, they will lose their jobs, their health insurance, their single-wides, and be scooping the family's dinner out of rusty old cans of cat food inside of a month. Speaking of home cooking, Laura sends her best. When I was leaving early this morning, she

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