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Title: Mega Man X5 Boss Rush - No Dash/No Damage/Minimalist (Part I) View count: 672 Rating: 5.0 (5 ratings) Description: Oh, you best believe I wasn't done sucking fun out of this series yet. This nonsense defines me. I speed run my shits. If I trip during a jog, I start that motherfucker from scratch. I've fucked off to work naked on days my brain convinced itself clothing was an upgrade. I am the goddamn Thor of masochism. Here is X5's version of my ongoing obsession with no dash. It started with X1 and demanded progressively heavier questioning of my purpose in life as it went on. Now we are at a boss rush of X5 and I've gotten to the point where I subconsciously delete entire essays mistaking a typo for damage. In five years you will find me in a psych ward mumbling about nonsensical quantum mechanics involving what the doctors call my 'infinite water flea theorem'. Before that fateful day, let's jump right into this bitch. Here's the laundry list: X cannot dash, he cannot take damage, he cannot use parts, armors or items, he cannot use special weapons, he cannot fucking look at bosses cross-eyed. Bosses are fought on "Xtreme" difficulty. No, that is not my own wacky ironic misspelling, but you can punch me in the face anyway. Evidently these affairs would suggest that gets me off. In X4's version, I had to keep myself off the bloody walls just to justify making the 1000th retread of the same game. I thought about doing this with X5, then I remembered Squid Adler and we all had a hearty laugh. I make it a point not to use walls in any fight that such a feat is possible. Exceptions are Adler, Mattrex, Bangda (obviously), Sigma (FUCKING obviously) and Black Devil (there's a story for you there...). In any event, X5 is sometimes decidedly more troublesome without dashing. Throughout this boss rush, and X6's, I need to pull out every piece of bullshit under the sun to make such a restriction possible. Individual boss comments: Ser Düff McWhalen The Third: Outside of being the byproduct of a failed McDonald's seafood campaign, HRM Düff has little new to offer in regards to no dashing, although I hear he's in good company with Danish kings. Random thoughts that crop up are his desperation attack is a bit more annoying, they really should have thought his first phase through, and COME FUCKING ON, "DUFF MCWHALEN"? "DUFF-FUCKING-MCWHALEN"? REALLY? IT'S STILL MIND-BOGGLING. STILL! Axle the Red: Axle the Red can be made difficult through no real virtue of his own. Everything that makes the fight fun is also a direct consequence of you allowing it to happen. The purple seed can be destroyed, the clone can be negated at any time with one shot, and the petals have their workarounds. Also, why is it I can never audibly describe any attack by this metro without having people back away awkwardly? Dynamo: HIT DETECTION, CAPCOM. WHY? I am virtually dry humping his body for over half the battle and I still don't take damage. Also, the fact that they never gave Dynamo an attack involving electric guitars is a testament to the company's stupidity. Grizzly Slash: I promise the no dash thingy becomes pertinent at some point. Promise. Mattrex: See? This battle is a godforsaken NIGHTMARE without the dash. Here is a list of everything you have no forewarning to: he decides to ram instead of using ground fire; he decides to ram instead of using his desperation attack; he decides to ram; he decides to ram; goddamn is that ram attack fucking annoying. There isn't a moment in this fight you are not in an absolutely specific position. In the first phase, you always, always need to the be right distance to spur a Ground Fire. In the second phase, you always need to time your jump precisely so that if he rams from the wall, he will fly over you, and if he spits fire, you will clear it. In the final phase, you always need to remember you are still playing while simultaneously concerned with shitting your pants. He can use so many things out of sequence by this part of the fight that you're more in danger of losing to a heart attack than to a hit. This shit is all half-evident when you CAN get the fuck out of Dodge decently fast. When you're crawling along like a snail while he's going on his salvia-induced rampage, prediction becomes an absolute joke. Your only job is to turn every panic-induced twitch into the right button input. Tracks used, in order: Robert Miles - Stream Hidria Spacefolk - Flora/Fauna Guns N' Roses - Sweet Child o' Mine Underworld - Cherry Pie 1200 Micrograms - Double Helix Tags: mega_man_x5, mmx5, no_dash, no_damage, no_weapons, no_upgrades, xtreme_mode, Author: HideofBeast |
