TODAY | January 03, 2014
>>> like you're speaking a completely different language when you're dealing with the guy in your life, a new study shows you're probably right.
>> will smith plays a professional date doctor who tries to teach one man how to talk on a date.
>> that's when i come in. by asking if it was diet, she thought you were implying she was fat. get a regular coke, say she was everything you never knew you wanted.
>> how can you learn to speak to your spouse?
>> here to help us, elizabeth bernstein and dr. drew ramsey. all right, where do you want to begin with this? let's face off.
>> it is true. we sort of know this, men and women do speak different languages, right?
>> we know this. the university of pennsylvania came out with a really interesting study where they scanned hundreds of brains and they can show the connectivity differences. women's brains are so connected, they look like spaghetti, really. and men, it's very linear. very front to back, very focused.
>> is it good we're good multitaskers and they're not.
>> what about communicating? why are we off. when i say things that are think are very clear, why aren't you understanding the words coming out of my mouth, sort of thing. there's a disconnect?
>> men want to execute. right, so the male brain is wired. we're going to perceive things and we want to do something about that. my wife has a problem, i want to solve it. women, they brain is more side to side. they're thinking in a more broadly way. i kind of prefer the female brain. you think using this logical part and this creative part.
>> a lot of guys think you want a problem solved when you want to vent.
>> we think that's the goal, identify the issue, communicate it, and come to some sort of mutual agreement, but let's solve the issue. we're like cavemen, just fix.
>> sometimes we just want to vent and let it out. what's the best way to let carson listen to his girlfriend and let her listen back and forth?
>> the idea is you really have to understand you are connected differently. so for a woman, we don't want to hear it, but you is to edit. pare it down, try to take some of the emotion out of it. always, choose your time. if he's watching a game, busy at work, you've got to know, he's focused. say, hey, can we talk in a little bit?
>> when the yankees are over, we'll talk. what should guys do to, you know, better hear out women?
>> i think guys should act confused a little more. say i'm not really sure about that.
>> do that on purpose?
>> i think you are confused, usually, sometimes, and there's a lot of emotion, a lot of venting. you're not sure. be confused. it's very authentic.
>> maybe we shouldn't be so quick to solve. i can fix your problem. maybe it's just listening. like interviewing.
>> great tip. you don't need to solve it. men have this pressure, we want to solve t fix it, do something. you can sit and listen and come out much better.
>> sometimes it works that way, too, with texting and e-mails. we'll write something that is long and draub out with feeling and emotion, and a guy will write back, yep, or no, or i'm not sure.
>> you daebt emote when you're using social media , so things are lost there, too.
>> don't text your relationship. that's important for couples. you can't really get 92 lot of details of feelings when you're in text.
>> it's not even feelings. it's realizing you're more than a double task.
>> don't yep me. don't lol me. there's a female brain at work. she's looking into the texts, reading a lot into them.
>> in my relationship, she prefers -- i'm usually, can you just call me. i feel like we can solve it quicker, but she prefers to write things down.
>> maybe to have you on the record.
>> okay, well, thank you so