TODAY   |  October 18, 2013

Train yourself to say no and take control of your life

Inspire yourself and others by prioritizing your life. Handel Group life coach Laurie Garber advises Kathie Lee and Hoda to feel comfortable saying no, and emphasizes the power of incentives and consequences.

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This content comes from Closed Captioning that was broadcast along with this program.

>>> if you ever feel like there aren't enough hours in the day or you wish you could be in two places at once or even worse you have a hard time saying no, you're going to want to pay attention to this.

>> yes. you may not be able to grant us a 25th hour in the day, but she can tell you how to be the boss of your own life. she is lori gerber, life coach with the handle group.

>> how are you?

>> thank you for having me.

>> a lot of people struggle with this.

>> there is only 24 hours in a day.

>> for everybody.

>> no matter what. that's what you have to deal with.

>> it is so funny. i think what we do is we prioritize everybody and everything else before us. that makes sense. your kids have to be here at practice, your boss wants you here, your husband needs x and you fall way down on the totem pole , don't you?

>> or you put yourself first in everything that nobody wants to be around anyway. for those that have the other problem --

>> at the handle group, we manage the voices in your head , the most important thing you have to do, take your focus off of, that's take the focus off the brat. five more minutes in the pool, i want five more minutes in the pool, but it is not the pool, it is the internet games , it is the browsing, the frittering away of time, eating cookies mindlessly and we say yes to that instead of what is important to us. that is universal. time with the people we love, exercise, health, spiritual time, doing important actions for the things that are important --

>> stop and smell the roses once in a while too.

>> sometimes we feel like when we're filling our days, i don't have time to exercise, what do you say to that?

>> it's not true. you'll see you're often make a choice of something really not --

>> what are we talking about a lot lately, hoda, people don't want to be told the truth. they have their excuses and they like them.

>> exactly.

>> you have to be able to call bs on those excuses. sometimes -- sometimes we're afraid to say no to someone. we call that the chicken.

>> they might say can you come to the pto meeting and head it up and someone has to and they're asking you because your daughter is going to be there.

>> your priorities will be inspiring to other people if you stick to them. you're going to end up falling apart anyway if you don't balance.

>> you don't have to bake them. there are delicious cookies.

>> i'm empowering people to say no. and what you say yes to is what you actually want to design promises about. we have our clients that make promises and consequences if they don't. i get to be like the family dinner. one more e-mail, one more e-mail. i set it up with my family, i'm on miami, exactly on the dot at 6:30 or i pay my kids 20 bucks. they're looking at the clock and they notice. at work --

>> at work --

>> never late. we listen like --

>> we're raising brats in our society and chickens. they become adult chicken brats.

>> if we practice what we say we're going to do --

>> chicken brats. just clarifying.

>> i want to. no!

>> this is why we have to model for our children making and keeping promises. you can make a fun consequence. doesn't have to be anything harsh. it can be something simple like --

>> some people feel like they're being selfish when they prioritize. in other words, they feel like they're letting somebody down. a lot of pleasers out there.

>> you will. that's life.

>> eventually if you spread yourself too thin, you will let someone down in a much more ugly massive way than if you --

>> stuff can kill you.

>> we don't realize the consequences of our choices. we ask people to make up artificial fun consequences. you don't do your exercise, you lose your wine or coffee.

>> we just tuned out.

>> it will make you feel better and remember to do your workout.

>> your own personal brat.