TODAY   |  October 11, 2013

‘Honorary woman’ Matthew Hussey gives love advice

Relationship expert Matthew Hussey sits alongside Elle Magazine’s advice columnist E. Jean Carroll as they answer viewer questions about such issues as the delicate etiquette of splitting a bill on a date.

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This content comes from Closed Captioning that was broadcast along with this program.

>>> we're back on this try day friday with more "today." relationships can be tricky. if you had a hard time understanding the opposite sex , we enlisted some help.

>> back by popular demand to answer your question, two people with a lot to say. "elle's" advice columnist e.g. carol and matthew hussy.

>> you are our favorite odd couple. we love having you guys on.

>> you're our favorite odd couple.

>> thank you. thank you for coming off the mountain to be with us.

>> chris writes in, what should you do when you want to see and address issues in your marriage but your spouse thinks everything is fine but the whole situation is making you miserable. what to do?

>> i think you should get out of the house, get out of the neighborhood, pack a picnic, a loaf of bread, a jug of wine, head out, go for a hike, spread a blanket in the grass and then tell him what you're thinking. not what you're feeling, tell him what you're thinking, let him hear it. if all goes well, you can seal the deal on the blanket.

>> matthew ?

>> okay. for me, the tone of this question says it all. when she says, i'm miserable, and he doesn't know it, that doesn't suggest to me a problem in the relationship that's a woman too afraid to confront the problem. and the problem with that is those types of people --

>> she's like --

>> forget the wine. forget the picnic, forget the blanket.

>> even if i gave her the courage to go and say something, the moment he'll do what a guy does, she'll be too weak to stand up to that. she has to figure out her relationship with herself before she confronts him. that involves core confidence. i'm not going to have my self-esteem tied to losing this man. that's why they don't say something, they're afraid of loss. if i can say it is more detrimental to my life to be in a relationship of pain than it is to be alone, now she's going to go and get the things she wants.

>> that was good.

>> even e.g. is impressed.

>> i think matthew is a secret woman. you understand women. deeply.

>> thank you.

>> sheryl, is it okay to date your ex's best friend ?

>> if the breakup was clean, you respect one another, and the guy is hot, yes. if he has called you in the last six months crying, no. if you have called him in the last six months for a booty call , no.

>> i like that the principles are based on how hot he is. the fact is, firstly, what you can't find another one -- another guy among the 3 billion guys in the world that is not his best friend . if you can't -- if he's the love of your life, go for it. if this is a whim because you're lonely or in pain or trying to get back at the guy, don't do it. god forbid you're on the receiving end of that one day.

>> there aren't that many good guys out there. there are not -- matthew , you are one in a trillion.

>> i know that, but that's very different from saying there are no great guys out there.

>> cane has a question. is it appropriate to expect a date to pay for most or all of the nights out or at what point in the date process should i begin reaching for the check to share some of the responsibilities.

>> it is not about finances. it is about getting lucky. if a man asks you out and you go to dinner and you like him and you think later down the road at some point you're going to go to bed with him, he pays. if he asks you out, you go to dinner and you don't like him and you know never, ever, ever are you going to get in bed with this guy, you offer to pay and then he pays.

>> like being a hooker?

>> but the point is, that was about the -- that's not about the first date. that's about you're a few dates in, what do you do? do you keep letting him pay? i don't like to let a lady pay, no. but here's the point. a lady shouldn't expect it. i think a man should pay but a lady shouldn't expect it.

>> a lady can pay by inviting him to her apartment for dinner. not for that. you pervert, no. just to make dinner for him. every man loves that.

>> i think it is tough for women in the position that they're in today to want equality in every other area, and then in a relationship say, but i don't want to contribute in that area. i think that sends out a confused message. i think for women -- especially since you guys have more money than us now. so for most women in that position, once they get into the relationship, if they want to be there, then they should be contributing. by the way, it is a guy's prerogative, if he wants to insist he pays for everything, she has the choice to let him. i think the expectation is what ruins relationships.

>> i think it changes the dynamic of the relationship.

>> if you don't like a guy, don't pick up the