TODAY

TODAY   |  October 02, 2013

Dealing with divorce: How to move on

If you are struggling with moving past a marriage that has ended or wondering what is next for you in life, author Laura Wasser has some tips and guidance in her book “It Doesn’t Have to be That Way.”

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This content comes from Closed Captioning that was broadcast along with this program.

>>> it is a sad reality that too many marriages end in divorce and that keeps this celebrity divorce attorney busy.

>> she is the lawyer representing kim kardashian and ryan reynolds and angelina jolie .

>> her book is how to divorce without destroying your family or bankrupting yourself.

>> good morning.

>> you say something interesting, given all you have seen, you are divorced yourself. you have two children, that you say everybody should get married once. why do you say that?

>> i just think people say are you antimarriage? i like a good wedding. i like marriages and i feel like if that's part of your experience it's nice for people to have that experience.

>> but just do it once. don't go back in for more.

>> that's what worked for me.

>> but you also talked about marriage as being a contract.

>> yes.

>> and divorce being a business.

>> yes. a business transaction. too many people enter into their marriages without realizing what they're doing is entering into a contract and by the time they get to a divorce attorney they're not thinking about it as a business transaction. if you can take the emotions out of it, which is hard to do and handle it like a business transaction you'll save money and anxiety.

>> because almost allstates are no fault states, you don't want to hear who did what. let's just figure out what we're going to do and divide it.

>> judges don't want to hear who did what. they don't have time. it's not worth it. you have grievances you need to air. it shouldn't happen within the divorce proceeding.

>> the rules in your book apply to people like us as well. what's the biggest mistake you see people do heading into a divorce.

>> being too emotional about it. not being kind to their spouse. not treating others the way you would like to be treated.

>> and also -- now what happens if you can't afford to get a divorce. you were saying there's many different models of the family.

>> absolutely. i think communication is so important. i think if you have a family and for whatever reason in this economic climate you can't afford to get divorced or move out of the house into two separate residences as long as there's communication and you have boundaries established, it's not going to be fun but it doesn't need to be war of the roses which didn't go down so well.

>> i am divorced and mine was very quick and relatively easy but it was an interesting thing because he did say to me be happy we don't have children or i would not have made this easy for you. there in lies why i'm not there anymore. but the idea of once children come in, there's a whole other level to it. the arguing -- these are the people that become the most affected when we start making it about ourselves instead of the children.

>> absolutely. that's why you really need to remember that you are a family and even if you're not a family that's living under the same roof anymore you're still family and your children still depend on you and their other parent to put them first.

>> we have a lot of stories for you to tell. maybe that's another book.

>> laura, thank you so much. good tips for people.