TODAY

TODAY   |  September 26, 2013

Always late? Apologize, but don’t belabor it

Enough with all the excuses! Relationship expert Argie Allen and Faye de Muyshondt, author of the book “Social Skills for Success,” analyze the psychology behind perpetual lateness and explain how to make time for what really matters.

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This content comes from Closed Captioning that was broadcast along with this program.

>> be quiet helen. uh! [ male announcer ] liquid gold diggers

>>> all right. people are always running late.

>> like peter krause right now. blame the traffic.

>> the kids and bad weather .

>> everybody got stuck in the traffic today. but it's time to stop the excuses. get to the bottom of why you're always tardy. our relationship expert at drexel university and author of " social skills for success."

>> hi, ladies.

>> sounds french, but she says she's polish.

>> there are some people who always say -- they sauls seem to be running late. it's chronic behavior among some, isn't it?

>> it is.

>> what's the root of that?

>> sometimes it's overscheduling your responsibilities or tasks. sometimes it's cultural where everyone in your family has always been late. that's just the status quo.

>> and some parts of the world are more like that than others.

>> other parts of the country and world. people just don't show up on time. then other times you're a people pleaser. so you're saying yes to way too many things and you can't possibly get to them on time.

>> but it could also be you're rude and you think your time is more valuable than other people's. right?

>> i spend a chapter on how to make a good first impression. if you're running late, you have no chance of making a good first impression. it's also important to look at two types of being late. in the business setting it's unacceptable to be running late for a meeting or interview. then there's the social setting where it's a party and you kind of -- it's okay to be running late.

>> you could call ahead like i did our hairdresser this morning saying i'm late.

>> if you're meeting someone for a dinner, for example, and you're running late, it's not acceptable.

>> what do you do in that situation?

>> i always say, first of all, apologize for the situation. but don't spend ten minutes belaboring over why you're late, that you're in traffic, and the whole story behind it. it's adding insult to injury.

>> walk in, say i'm late, dinner is on me.

>> i'm sorry i'm late, it'll never happen again.

>> but you could be late.

>> we're both very prompt because we don't want to keep someone sitting at a table. there was a friend i met, the first time she was fifteen minutes late and there was a reason. second time it was 25 minutes and i had to pick up my husband. after awhile you say forget it.

>> and you say to your friend, if this is going to continue to happen, we have to renegotiate how we do things.

>> why can't people just tell themselves it's at 7:00. so i need to be there a quarter to 7:00.

>> why don't they realize it's a bad habit ? can you break it like any bad habit ?

>> you can absolutely break this habit. start with today. look at your schedule and say where do i need to be and how many time is it going to take me to get there. and i need to be ten minutes early. and what a beautiful thing to get to a place ten minutes early and have ten minutes to be mindful of where you are.

>> but then again, you don't want to be half an hour early to something and just sitting there and they're not ready for you. i've gone through that as well. it's not time yet. and i had to go sit in the lobby for a luncheon.

>> if you're sitting around and waiting, you can start a journal. what does it feel like to be on time other than anxiety written.

>> we're not writing in a journal.

>> you've got though subway out and trains aren't running and you've got though u.n. it does happen.

>> ladies, thank you.

>> thank you.