TODAY

TODAY   |  September 24, 2013

When’s the right time to be friends with an ex?

Matthew Hussey, author of “Get the Guy,” answers questions from viewers, including how long to wait in a relationship before you see change. His advice? “Don’t give him a lifetime, but give him a minute!”

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This content comes from Closed Captioning that was broadcast along with this program.

>>> of "today "requests on this tuesday. time for the other view, we try to get to the bottom of what men are really thinking when it comes to dating.

>> who better to ask than relationship coach and author of "get the guy," matthew hussy. hello, matthew.

>> he has his own cartoon and everything.

>> he does.

>> we have a question from erica .

>> erica asked us a question before the break, didn't she?

>> she did.

>> is it good to stay in touch or --

>> friends.

>> friendly with your ex? my question to erica is who was it that ended it? erica , can you hear us?

>> i can hear you.

>> who ended it was it you or him?

>> i would say in this situation, it would probable i be me?

>> so staying friends with him is helping him?

>> i don't think so.

>> no. so, here is the thing, if you were the one who got rid of the person, being friends isn't helping them. and if they were the one that end it had with you, being friends isn't helping it with you.

>> so the answer is no?

>> the answer is until you get to a point where you can genuinely say this is platonic, i don't feel anything and they do too, because really easy to be doing the dumping, you and i should be friends after this.

>> difference between being friends and being friendly.

>> yeah, friendly -- being friendly is one thing. rarely to you hear the person on the receiving end, who is the one being dumped right now, rarely do you hear that person go, but should we be friends? they are hurting.

>> until you're happy, there was a great quote that said something, so much easier to forgive when you're happy, when you've moved on.

>> it has to be you and them that's moved on.

>> hope that was helpful, erica , i would turn around and speak to you but it's not possible.

>> okay.

>> good luck.

>> thank you, erica . all right. who is next?

>> leah , skype or --

>> we have leah , reading this one.

>> okay, leah says, "my fiance doesn't ever want to do anything with me."

>> wow.

>> doesn't sound great?

>> "no matter times i ask or plan something, he wants to sit at home and he blame it is on being tired from work. what do i do?"

>> wants to stay home and be with her but not go out.

>> this is any number of issues come down to the way i communicate, right? so she those first find an emotionally neutral moment to communicate with him. don't wait until the next time you're really angry that he's not -- sitting on the sofa and you go "see exit's happening again."

>> maybe it is that low-t thing. low testosterone .

>> a situation like that we got to investigate.

>> okay. go on.

>> she get he is into an emotionally neutral moment and says, okay this is how i feel. firstly, show you empathize and want to help. i know you're tired from work, i know you're busy, is there anything i can do? third, show what you actually want. now, don't just make it about going out. make it about the fact that you want to go out with him. that's actually going to play to the part that feels good, not just i'm woman, i want to go out. but it was exciting when me and you used to go out. can we get back to it?

>> never was. who knows. maybe she should join a bowling league.

>> but the fourth part of that, she has to then say, okay, this is -- i mean, a bowling league?

>> i think bowling is so much fun. she need toes find her fun away from him he is going to get lonely if she is out bowling every night.

>> he is gonna get lonely if she is out bowling every night? that will go in my next book. the fourth part is give him a minute to change. don't expect it time thoim change tonight. don't give him a lifetime but give him a minute.

>> why?

>> i think that's all we have.

>> that's it?