TODAY | September 12, 2013
>> what happens when a life coach and motivational speaker gets a divorce? our next guest gerald rogers decided to write down the painful lessons he learned. he posted them. now his 20 tips for saving your marriage have gone viral. gerald, good morning. it's good to see you.
>> thank you so much.
>> i should mention you wrote this log post, it's very theory, it's raw. you did it in the midst of your pain.
>> when i wrote that, obviously, i had no intention i'd be on "the today" show talking about it. it was the night after our divorce was finalized. i had my kids for the weekend. it was like 1:00 in the morning. there is so much pain that happens in the process of divorce. i think a lot of people can relate to that. there is so much change and transition and so much like it was really, really hard. it was like 12:00 in the morning. i sat down, what am i going to do different next time?
>> you wrote down these 20 tips. we will scroll them so people have a look at them. it's gotten 20,000 likes, reprinted everywhere. i should mention, we're not showing picture of your wife, your intention is not to have this all out in the public and relive your own situation.
>> yeah. i really want to respect her privacy. i love and respect her and want to honor that. my intention to anything is to serve other people. the advice i wrote for myself rand the fact that there is other people, millions across the world that benefit from it. i'm grateful that god has chosen to give that message to them.
>> it's an interesting message, some of this, i heard this before. you have a spin on it. it has a lot to do with personal accountability. one thing is you have to fall in love over and over and over again.
>> marriage, any relationship is about continually growing. just like the gorden, if you stop watering, stop nurtureing that garden, it dies. the fact is we're always change, if you are not falling in love over and over igen, that love will fade.
>> you said protect your own heart, which i said was interesting. in another place you say be vulnerable. you mean don't let anybody into that space except for your wife.
>> that's a sacred space just for that person in your life. that's where you get to have them be a part of that life. no one else gets that part of you.
>> one of the things you say, is be present, be present to q4 wife.
>> i think a lot of us guys we get so busy, so caught up in our mind, i have this, you think about work, you think about this. what the woman need is that manning to present with them and fully with her.
>> you got some tough words about blame. you say, don't blame her. look inwartd. what's your miami?
>> it's all about taking personal account aekt for our life. . it's our responsibility to be the best that we can be and find our own happiness. if we got challenges, look at how did i create these things in my life?
>> you wrote this for her husband. i assume it's equally wise as well.
>> absolutely. i wrote this for me. obviously, anyone who wants to make thanks, it comes down to take responsibility, to be conscious in what we create with our life.
>> what does your new wife think of this? she sees this is out there now.
>> i know. and i feel she has to put up with my garbage for 16 years and i feel really bad because she's very private and obviously i was the one that chose to be public about it. so i am super grateful for the journey that we got to have together. i just wish for the best.
>> a lot of people are learning from your honesty. thank you for being here.
>> thank you very much.
>>> coming up