TODAY   |  September 02, 2013

How to tell your spouse they need better grooming

Relationship experts E. Jean Carroll and Matthew Hussey discuss how moms and dads with different parenting styles can agree on how to raise their kids, and also explain how to tell your partner they need to work on their personal grooming.

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This content comes from Closed Captioning that was broadcast along with this program.

>>> we all know relationships can be tricky. especially if you have a hard time reading the opposite sex . we've enlisted some excellent help.

>> back by popular demand 24 peop -- are two people who have a lot to say. e.g. carroll and matthew hussey. they are an odd couple and we love them.

>> jackie says different parenting styles is our biggest problem. i'm the stern one, always the bad guy . where is the meet in the middle ?

>> you are asking two people who do not have children. you are the experts here. i say if you're going to have children, have a child to enjoy the child. don't fight over the child.

>> but there's a discipline issue that can fracture --

>> even if you are disciplining, can't you enjoy and enjoy each other?

>> no. thank you. but thanks for asking. next, matthew.

>> that was a good start.

>> you have two parents firstly going for the kid is the lowest point of leverage. go for your partner. in communication, the kids say you have two demigods. you are only as song as your weakest link in that scenario. if one of the parents is not going to be strong, it affects the whole thing. i believe two parents have to get in a situation where they actually say to each other, what's our vision for this child? what's our vision --

>> before the children even come to the plan set a good time to have that conversation.

>> the vision for the child's growth and the environment of love we want to create of how easy is it to -- for that child to be who they want to be. that's the important thing. then every action has to follow that vision.

>> don't you wish you'd said that?

>> as two parents, you've got -- if one of them is being stern and swone is not, the distinction you have to make is between tone and message. it's okay for tone to be different. not okay for message to be different.

>> you're going to take 20 minutes with the next answer, too?

>> it's going to be easy and stern. here from susan. my husband and i disagree about his lack of grooming.

>> ew.

>> he refuses to cut his hair. it's very long. he wears it in ponytails. plural. i hate it. what should i do?

>> those are called pigtails when there's two of them.

>> you can't say that for a man, though.

>> it's like willie nelson . it's his head. his hair. leave him alone. if he came up and said to you, honey, i think you'd look better if you lost 15 pounds, it's the same thing.

>> but it's cleanliness, though, isn't it?

>> she's talking about cleanliness.

>> i hate it when women and men start to tell each other how to look, how to behave. how much to wear. how -- it's his hair.

>> how little to wear.

>> exactly. honey, put on a little garter belt tonight to come to bed.

>> let them be who they are.

>> but what if they stink?

>> in any case, none of that, what you guys just said is right.

>> oh, really?

>> if you are going to be --

>> how are you enjoying your last time on the show? is it good for you?

>> i'm going to enjoy it now. your job as someone's partner is to be their sexual pleasure, is to be the person they are attracted to. if you aren't providing that for them, then who is going to. if you aren't attracted to long hair you better be bold and tell him. you don't have to tell him by saying i don't like long hair but be positive in your reinforcement and be bold about what you would like.

>> they don't often start out that way. they start at -- after 30 years, they go -- they get lazy and stop washing.

>> where does it stop after this. first it's the hair. then it's what he's wearing. then his jeans, butt.

>> here's the only caveat i'd add to the person that asked this question. if you are going to be bold about what you want, be okay with it the other way around, too.

>> be fair.

>> that's the way it has to be. if he wants you to look a certain way, you have to be open to that, too. but if you want a hairstyle that i'm not attracted to, what, i'm not going to be attracted to you for the rest of my life?

>> i just look at you the minute you open your mouth i want to go down on my knees. that's how good looking you are.

>> that's a special scenario.

>> well, all righty.

>> you think you know a person, but apparently not. thanks, kids.

>> happy labor day .

>> it's crowded down there.