TODAY

TODAY   |  August 26, 2013

Do I tell my best friend they’re getting fired?

Say you find out ahead of time that a co-worker is about to be let go: Do you tell them? Willie, guest host Brooke Shields and psychologist Jen Hartstein talk about the impact your decision could have.

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This content comes from Closed Captioning that was broadcast along with this program.

>>> welcome back. brooke shields my cohost this week. if you share a banking account with your spouse do you check with them about a purchase before you make it or do you show up at home with a giant tv.

>> i would definitely run it by him.

>> you would.

>> i would definitely run it by my husband.

>> the dos and don'ts of sticky situations.

>> good morning.

>> you're going to throw the scenarios at us. we're going to give you an i do or i don't.

>> we'll talk about it. first question is career. you find out ahead of time that a coworker who is also a friend is about to be let go. do you or don't you tell them?

>> i do.

>> it depends. part of me this it's none of my business to involve myself in something on a bigger level but if it's a good friend giving them the heads up in preparation.

>> it's a hard call , right? if it's a really great friend you might want to tell them and you have to be careful is it going to impact your relationship with your boss. if they go in defensive with the boss and say i heard that -- is it going to effect your relationship.

>> and with your friend as well because then if they say did you know about this and the answer is yes.

>> you might be able to say to your friend, i did know, it's not my place to tell you. i'm so sorry i couldn't.

>> you don't snoop around every personnel decision but if it's your good friends i take friendship over that.

>> if you're not looking to find out and the information happens on you.

>> you have to do what's comfortable for you.

>> talking about money. you and your spouse have a join checking account . do you or don't you check with them before making a significant purchase.

>> define significant.

>> we'll go there but initial reaction. your first gut.

>> yes, absolutely.

>> so most people we want -- money is the biggest source of conflict in a relationship. so you want to be able to come up with with guidelines. anything over $200 you check in with or come up with with a number balance between you and your spouse that might work so you don't have to check in on i want to buy this toaster for $100 or printer for the house.

>> then there's difference between checking before or making sure you tell after. there's another piece to it. what if you don't check but then you tell the person after.

>> some people do go the lines of it's better to ask for forgiveness than to ask for permission.

>> rolling into the drive way with a new camero probably not good.

>> probably not your best move.

>> i'm in trouble this weekend.

>> so marriage is our next one. your spouse is a slob. do you or don't you clean up after them.

>> okay. here's the thing.

>> turn it like that.

>> you know -- you know what you're getting into when you marry them. so first thing you ask them, this is driving me crazy. could you lean up a little. don't leave your pants in the shape of a body on the floor.

>> you don't want to see the path when they walked in the door.

>> however, if it bugs you that much you knew what you were getting into. clean up after him and shut up about it.

>> money is the number one conflict. chores and household responsibilities number two in a marriage. if i clean up after you every time, what happens is we train our spouse to rely on you to clean up after them. you overfunction. it doesn't work. you don't want to do that.

>> putting a plate after you use it in the sink is not washing a plate.

>> especially when the dishwasher is right next to it.

>> that's putting a problem in a different place.

>> put it in the dishwasher.

>> we're in agreement on that one.

>> friendship, you have plans for a night out with your friends and realize a mutual friend isn't invited. do you or don't you check with the group before inviting them.

>> i do.

>> it's interesting when we leave people out -- one of my friends said we're perpetually in 6th grade . we feel bad if we're left out, but sometimes i might want to go out with willie and not invite brooke.

>> what?

>> it's okay. it's unheard of.

>> i'm sorry. i'm never going to be invited back. but, you know, it's important to be able to have relationships and friendships but if we're bringing someone in we don't know if there's bad blood .

>> might be a reason they're not invited.

>> of all of these things they involve communication.

>> absolutely. we all have to be talking to one another.