TODAY

TODAY   |  July 31, 2013

Life’s left turns: How to get yourself back on track

Whether you’re dealing with job loss or going through a divorce, everyone has times when they start to lose their way. Psychotherapist and relationship expert Tiffanie Henry and life coach Gabrielle Bernstein offer advice on how to get back on track when life takes a sharp left turn.

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This content comes from Closed Captioning that was broadcast along with this program.

>>> at the same company for their entire lives. guys exactly like you. they clock in, they clock out and they never have a moment of happiness. you have an opportunity here, bob. this is a rebirth.

>> that is a scene from the george clooney film up in the air and just like the movie sometimes real life takes an unexpected left turn and you need a course correction.

>> whether you are losing your job or going through a divorce or left with an empty nest , how do you get back on track.

>> she is the author of may cause miracles. we'll start with you, life takes that left turn . what specific steps do you take to get back on track.

>> the first thing that we need to do is mourn the situation. we need to make sure that we feel everything so that it doesn't creep up later. the next is to make sure you're forgiving who ever needs to be forgiving. anyone that pissed you off or put you in a bad position. make sure you let that go and forgive and make sure that you're putting yourself on a new life course by creating a new vision statement for your life. creating that vision that is setting you up to win for the future so you're not holding yourself up in the old behaviors.

>> do you give yourself a time limit to mourn and move on with things.

>> about a month is probably good. don't give yourself a year or two years. ten years later.

>> the ten year plan doesn't work.

>> so tiffany, you have your circle of friends and family. it's not easy saying i just got laid off or i'm getting ready to go through a divorce. how do you approach that?

>> you have to get really clear and really honest with yourself before you can get honest with others. if you haven't been good at saving and that's why you're in the financial mess or you made mistakes at your job, be honest with yourself. seek out people you can trust. whether it's a spiritual advisor, a life coach, a therapist. just making sure these people know you and aren't biased and won't judge you but they're clear on who you are so they can give you sound and good advice.

>> how do you know if you're getting better or if it's working.

>> often the obsessing will lift. you'll feel less tension and really much more at peace. that's what we really want to aim for.

>> this is not the time to make drastic changes like moving across country or even the rebound relationship, right?

>> no, you need to let this marinate for a little bit.

>> those are bad ideas.

>> bad idea carson, bad idea. it's good to sit in your feelings. giving yourself permission to feel whatever it is that you're feeling. if it's upset, hurt, anger, depression, whatever it is you have a right to feel exactly how you're feeling in that moment and get those feelings in check.

>> everybody wanltds to mask those feelings. they start drinking or anything to not feel it.

>> give yourself permission to feel.

>> if there's a family member, especially your kids. when do you and how do you bring them into the loop about what's going on?

>> do it delicately. kids are egocentric everything is about them. if you got fired it's my fault. if mommy and daddy are fighting, it's my fault. be clear and say these changes will effect you and how they will effect you. you're going to have to take your lunch instead of me giving you $20 a week. let them noah head of time so they know what to expect and don't make it about them.

>> and is there an opportunity to learn from this experience.

>> whenever there are obstacles in life there's a learning opportunity. it's important to see these as assignments for life growth and don't hold on to the past. don't go future tripping into the future. stay in the present home and let yourself heal.

>> if you don't learn from the experiences they'll reoccur.

>> they'll happen again and again and again.

>> thank you. appreciate your time.