TODAY

TODAY   |  July 12, 2013

Resolving common arguments among couples

Matchmaker Lori Zaslow and relationship expert Jeff Gardere discuss how couples can plan ahead to help avoid financial problems and communicate openly about chores.

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This content comes from Closed Captioning that was broadcast along with this program.

>>> back with he said, she said. if you are like everyone else, you and your significant other bicker from time to time.

>> here are espective ways of arguing from her perspective and from his to help keep the peace. laurie zaslow and relationship expert, psychologist jeff gardere. so one of the top things we argue about is money.

>> yes.

>> okay. that's a big one. we're going to show a clip from roseanne and then discuss money problems.

>> entitled to breakup, i think.

>> you think i would just earn enough money to go out and buy new hats. if it wasn't for me, the bank would have came and taken this house a long time ago.

>> i always pulled in more money than you brought in.

>> oh, yeah? what about that year when your bike shop went broke?

>> that seems like fun.

>> always a good idea to bring up past disasters in each other's lives, right?

>> that's the point. we don't want to talk about the disasters with money. we want to do more planning. whatever is missing on one side, let's see whether we can bring that up a little bit. and so it is a little bit more about financial planning being on the same page and this way, keeping it positive.

>> absolutely. she totally actually emasculated him.

>> his voice even went up.

>> even if someone brings home the bacon, it doesn't mean you get to eat it all. you can't put a monetary value on other things people do.

>> the right way, what they should have done was --

>> number one, try to find out what the deficits are. work with that. see what they can each contribute and it's not just about the money, as you are saying, it's all about just the contribution to the family.

>> let's talk about household chores. that's another thing. a lot of people -- there's a great scene from that movie "the breakup."

>> what happened here? what yoare you doing? what are you doing?

>> i had a rough day . my feet are killing me.

>> my feet are killing me, too. i went to the market, cleaned this entire condo and i've been cooking for the last three hours. come on. help set the table.

>> sweetheart, you have done such a great job already. don't you want to finish it yourself and have that personal power of accomplishment?

>> set the table.

>> all she wanted was the lemons. i remember that scene so well.

>> that frustration when you feel like you are carrying the whole load.

>> it's also a frustration for guys, too, because they are often criticized for not doing the housekeeping the right way because we normally don't know how. but at the same time, we should get a little appreciation for the things that we do in that way. and, therefore, we can step up more and we really need to do a lot more.

>> absolutely. i really feel like men have kicked it up a lot. my husband does cooking, cleaning. do something fun. make a chart wheel.

>> do you acknowledge when he does it?

>> absolutely.

>> even if he does it wrong?

>> and that's a turn on.

>> hoda loves it.

>> they put on an apron and it's over.

>> it is one of those things.

>> if you both participate. there's a reason, there's a fine