TODAY

TODAY   |  July 12, 2013

How to tell kids you’re cutting them off

Nearly half of adults in their forties and fifties have given financial support to at least one grown child according to Pew Research Center. If you’re one of those parents, Donna Rosato of Money magazine explains how to tell them you’re cutting the cord.

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This content comes from Closed Captioning that was broadcast along with this program.

>> natalie. are you still supporting your adult kids financially? half of all middle aged american adults are doing that. it's putting a strain on families.

>> when is the right time to cut them off and how do you do it in a nice way? money magazine covers this topic. good morning ladies.

>> good morning.

>> this is a touchy and hard thing to break to your kids but you say the timing is really important, donna. the time is when it involves a life event.

>> around a life event is a natural time to transition. you're graduating, get a new job. this is a natural time. keep it positive. you believe that your child is capable of doing this. it's not a punishment and you want to help them transition.

>> but it can be touchy and it's a hard thing. you love your kids and want to help your kid but you think you're doing it in their best interest. how do you approach it as a parent?

>> that's a great question. you approach it not necessarily at a life event but you build up to it and you let the child know what your expectations are and what you'll be there to help with and you wean off. i'm not a fan of cutting off directly. we need to be sure that our kids are aware of how to budget. what it means to spend. what it means to save. what it means to invest. how you really plan this and if you're teaching that along the way then you might be able to say i can help you this month. next month. but in three months you'll be on your own for this so how are you going to plan to do that. it's a conversation.

>> don't cut them off cold turkey then.

>> i agree with that. you need to set out specific terms to that and not cutting them off cold turkey but give them an incentive. but if you don't do that and you don't stick to the deadline you're probably having that conversation again.

>> we asked our viewers to weigh in on twitter with the hashtag money talk. and julia tweeted for example, no, i will always be there for them. they didn't ask to come into this world. if they suffer, i suffer. is that bad parenting?

>> i don't think that's bad parenting. i think it's very interesting how connected and tied, i think that many adult parents and adult children think that their parents will always be there for them and i think that's a good thing. but what does that mean? if they want to make a new connection? if they want to make a new career change, if they're having children and lost their job, can they rely on being bailed out or assisted? we have people moving back in with their parents and working with grand children, education, things like this. the issue is what kind of separation is important. what's healthy. for julia and people like her, what about her own needs. what about her retirement. was she planning on selling her house and now can't? is she taking care of aging parents. there's other elements.

>> you have to take care of yourself first. ladies, thank you so much.

>> thank you.