TODAY

TODAY   |  July 10, 2013

Is it OK to never commit to marriage?

Relationship experts Matthew Hussey and Helen Fisher discuss whether it’s OK for men and women to be cautious about committing to relationships, and discuss why men are quick to introduce girlfriends to their families.

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This content comes from Closed Captioning that was broadcast along with this program.

>>> as you may have heard, george clooney , and by the way, his mother is just fine, i never said she had passed on to the great unknown, and his girlfriend have ended their two-year romance. shouldn't be a surprise, clooney has said he never wanted to get married again.

>> what is it that makes a man or woman steer clear of commitment? to answer that, we've brought back the author of "get the guy," who's here with anthropologist, the smart one, helen fischer, professor at rutgers university .

>> it's amazing, i keep coming back in spite of the abuse.

>> some men like to be abused.

>> clearly, i have some sort of issues.

>> let's talk --

>> let's see about the male brain , i enjoy this.

>> our fine anthropologist --

>> 40 million copies -- 400 million copies were sold of "fifth shades."

>> tell us about the male brain , are they hard wired a certain way, some hard wired not to want commitment?

>> we've put men and women into the brain scanner and men fall in love faster than women do because they are so visual. they want to do more public displays of affection , they want kissing in the street, want to introduce their partner to parents, friends, and family sooner. they want to move in sooner.

>> they want somebody to do their laundry.

>> you know, not on a down note, but men are two and a half more likely to kill themselves when a relationship is over.

>> that's really something. you suffer badly.

>> men are very romantic, just as romantic as women .

>> explain george clooney and men like him.

>> firstly, to that point, the fact men will move in quicker is more to do with the fact men don't attach the same meaning to things in those stages as a woman might.

>> are you sure?

>> for sure. for a guy, he doesn't associate all of the same things with that moment.

>> that doesn't mean i'm going to marry this girl. he's not thinking that.

>> any woman who's been introduced to a man's friends and family, only a year later to find he's never going to commit will know that. so, in terms of the clooney situation, i don't know george clooney , i don't know what he's thinking, but guys like him, firstly, what is it to be committed? right, how long was he in a relationship for, two years?

>> the one before that was also about two years.

>> did he cheat on either of those people?

>> we don't know that and it would be rude to ask, but who knows.

>> we don't know, right, and we haven't heard about it. that's a stronger form of commitment than most men make even when they say they are committed.

>> women are just as adulteress as men. i'd like to know who these adulteress men are sleeping with.

>> adulteress women . that's going on with them, as well.

>> i do a national study with a well-known dating site in the united states and only 3% of men want to be available.

>> or a satisfying relationship.

>> a committed relationship . some variety.

>> sometimes it is lifelong. when we talk about men and their blueprint, what we are saying is what does a guy think he should be doing right now. that's all it means. if a guy, for example, just come out of a relationship, what does he think he should be doing right now enjoying himself, playing the field , having the novelty of single life . if someone comes along that week, in that moment, even if she's perfect, he's like, oh, you weren't supposed to come along right now.

>> on the other hand, this brain system is like a sleeping cat and it can wake up at any moment and make you fall madly in love and that may well happen to george clooney down the road.

>> that's true, but women have to understand there's a language that gets through to men.

>> 27 years, i'm not speaking the right language. i thought english would be good, apparently not.

>> 27 ain't bad for commitment. i created a program called get the guy, but my new program is called keep the guy, specifically because so many people don't understand how to get through to guys. if, for example, a woman says i want to know what we are right now, that's one type of language that will scare a guy. if a woman said, listen, i need to understand what you think we are right now, because i have a lot of men asking me out and i need to know what to say to them, that's a type of language that is very different and now a guy --

>> gets into mint guarding.

>> that's so engrained in us.

>> women are so good at manipulating men and have been doing it for years.

>> not a philanthropist.

>> very generous person, as well. you seem like you would not pass a homeless person without being generous. what was i going to ask? never mind. it's a wrap anyway. we are out of time. i guess we'll see you tomorrow and thank you for visiting with us. come back. you guys are great together.