TODAY

TODAY   |  July 10, 2013

How to get the spark back in your relationship

With long days and steamy nights, summer can be a great time to work on reigniting the spark in your relationship. Sex counselor Ian Kerner and psychiatrist Janet Taylor offer their tips on how to get the heat back in your love life this summer.

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This content comes from Closed Captioning that was broadcast along with this program.

>> to a lot of people. after years with your significant other you get into a relationship rut and feeling bored. how do you get that spark back.

>> we'll heat things up this summer. good morning to you both.

>> good morning.

>> why summer? why is this a good time?

>> i think during winter your relationship goes into hibernation a little bit. i did a study and 50% of people say that they are bored in their relationship. so i think that summer is a great time to do new things, to shake off the boredom. when you get out there and have fun with your partner and do novel things it stimulates dopamine which plays a big role in romantic love . it's important to have fun and excitement.

>> it sounds good but there's one problem with that. the kids are around more. dr. janet, how do you keep them busy but at the same time get yourself busy.

>> as much as you focus on your kids you also have to focus on your relationship. not only physical intimacy putting that sex and fizzle back but emotional intimacy . one of the easiest ways to connect is be nice to each other. we forget about that because we're so focused on everything else but show affection and kindness.

>> and the key with the kids around, lock on the bedroom door. get a padlock if you have to. whatever it takes.

>> you know what else, wear them down during the day. get them to bed early. it's long summer nights . be selfish with those.

>> as parents we feel guilty. moms we're not spending enough time with the kids but the fact is we need to focus on our relationship. lock that door. do whatever you have to do to get the one-on-one time with the significant other.

>> it's also important to wear the kids out but even engage in family activities all together. that creates a little spark .

>> i sometimes will do a fun family activity like bowling or minigolf but bring a babysitter. we'll split off and regroup with the kids. you have to get creative with your time.

>> i never thought of bowling as a turn on.

>> if you have a lock on the bedroom door.

>> it reminds you why you are together and when you're with the same person you forget what brought you together in the first place. talking about how you met and why you love each other is important.

>> we have great e-mails. our first letter comes from tiffany. my husband and i have been together for 13 years. we have two beautiful little girls. i love my husband so much but we both work two yjobs. i'm 31 years old and feel like i'm in my 70s. what can i do to spice up my love life before it's too late.

>> go out with other families. take a three day weekend. you can rotate who is going to watch the kids. again it's like get the kids out in a group, in a pack. get yourself sometimes with other adults that you trust around your kids and be able to break off as a twosome.

>> and the fact that she still loves her husband is so important because passion is the key to desire. tell him i love you. we need to spend time together. let's plan it. as ian said, new lingerie, whatever, just to get the spark going.

>> toys.

>> exactly. just to get the spark going.

>> make the effort.