TODAY   |  July 02, 2013

Don’t wait for a man! The new rules of dating

Elle advice columnist E. Jean Carroll and Matthew Hussey, author of “Get the Guy,” discuss whether women should pursue men, if dinner is appropriate for a first date, and the most controversial advice of all – no texting!

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This content comes from Closed Captioning that was broadcast along with this program.

>>> we're back with more of "today" on this booze day tuesday. if you need a little help finding a good man, hoda, you want to listen up because the rules of date having changed a lot.

>> wait. i want to hoda on your kotb

>> advice columnist jean carroll , author of "get the guy," matt is here to tell us if he agrees. good to see you both.

>> well, well, well. there was a way it used to be done where women would wait patiently for a plan to ask.

>> talk about a lot of patient women . matthew and i were sitting down in the make-up room. we saw a cheetah zoom past us, kathie lee , you were moving so quickly, it was like a blur.

>> sorry about that. but that's what got to do with the rules of dating?

>> women clahase. that's a new rule.

>> i wanted to be professional. but --

>> is that a good thing or bad thing?

>> it's like animal -- the animal kingdom female space --

>> go for it.

>> you say chase?

>> absolutely, women chase.

>> i'm all for women being proactive. the verb "chasing" doesn't work for me but it doesn't work for either gender. the premise that men used to chase and women didn't, i think even that is somehow wrong. because women don't like guys who chase. they become creepy stalker guys.

>> yeah. fine line . hoda actually does.

>> what you really want is someone who puts their value out there for to you say yes or no to. that's really what it is about.

>> it is hide and seek . it is chase and retrieve. it is a game. no, it's a game and you come forward and you're back. look at the two of you this morning.

>> yeah.

>> okay. anyway -- all right. so it used to be that on a first day a guy would say, hey, can i take you to dinner. seems like pretty fine. you say it is not a great idea?

>> the worst thing you can do is sit. sit. as soon as you're sitting you can't move and what happens? you start doing your dating job interview and then the lies start because everybody's --

>> what would you suggest? mountain climbing ?

>> i would suggest mountain -- no. a walk. go shoot pool. go to the planetarium.

>> something active.

>> why? because hoda, stand up. here's hoda sitting. she is a vision.

>> she's a very tall drink of water.

>> look at the difference. i mean look.

>> what? i'm standing. more attractive standing?

>> moving is sexier.

>> when your spanks don't show. that's the only good thing.

>> it's about finding a date that meets certain criteria. let me give you three criteria that make a great date. first one is a great date is time flexible. it can either last 20 minutes or three hours. don't go on too long if you're not having a good time. if you're having a great time, you want options to carry on. the second is it needs to allow for proximity. the problem with something like dinner, you sit across from someone at a table, this is the perfect position for a date. because can you actually get in touch from here.

>> that can get you in trouble.

>> that can work. but the third criteria is, be externally focused. if you went, for example, for a walk along a river, you're looking around at what's going on around you.

>> you guys agree on this.

>> yeah.

>> what about communicating, texting versus on the phone. a lot of people get texts --

>> kathie lee is allowed to text frank because it is sexy. but if you're dating why go through -- oh, it's sexy.

>> it is so hot you can't even believe it.

>> i believe it.

>> the thing is, if you're --

>> where's lunch? that turns him off.

>> the thing is, if you just started to date and you see the texts come in from him and those emotions flow up and then the exsic excitement of returning, then waiting. why don't we just wait to make out to have those motions and not do it over text.

>> we've got to let matt answer and then we got to go. i could sit with them forever.

>> i think texting is the perfect way to flirt. sometimes, if i leave you and i want to say you looked gorgeous today, i don't necessarily want to make a phone call for that. what happened? you look gorgeous and you you go, okay. bye. whereas if you send a text --

>> and you're waiting for -- and?

>> with a text, you can float it out there and not expect a reaction.

>> and let it just sit there.

>> i think any text that starts off with hey beautiful is a good text. no matter what follows it.

>> i know what i'm doing after this segment.

>> great to see you guys. we got to continue this because we haven't talked about sleeping on the first date yet.

>> we haven't talked about sleeping on the first date.

>> you can sleep with the guy as you are being introduced. it doesn't make any difference. it is your attitude afterwards.

>> can we please keep going? all right. once you've found the right guy, invite him over for the 4th. that's a bad segue. sorry.