TODAY   |  June 12, 2013

Is it OK to be high-maintenance in a relationship?

Cindi Leive from Glamour explains that being high-maintenance in a relationship may not be a negative quality, as long as it doesn’t turn unreasonable. Mike Becker, a 38-year-old single working guy, agrees it’s important for people to be who they are in a relationship.

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This content comes from Closed Captioning that was broadcast along with this program.

>>> when it comes to relationships, we all know someone who's high maintenance.

>> if you don't know what we're talking about, we may be talking about you. here's a scene from "when harry met sally."

>> apple a la mode.

>> i want the pie heated and i don't want the ice cream on top, i want it on the side. if not, no ice cream , but whipped cream , only if it's real, if it's out of the can, then nothing.

>> not even the pie?

>> no, just the pie, but not heated.

>> uh-huh.

>> what?

>> all right. according to "glamour" magazine --

>> according to an article, being high maintenance can actually improve your relationship.

>> i don't know about that.

>> here to way in, cindi leive and a regular single guy , 38 year old -- what makes him regular? he's regular, okay? he works in finance.

>> okay, works in finance.

>> when you hear the term, cindi, high maintenance, it's an instant turnoff. oh, she's one of those people that needs everything just her way. sounds not great.

>> it doesn't, but we think women have an irrational fear . we're not talking about being that super picky person, you don't have to be right out of the "harry met sally" scene, no one wants to date that person, but women do have this very, very deep-seeded fear of looking like they need anything in a relationship, and they tell us they don't want to be seen as high maintenance so they don't express their feelings or say what they want.

>> why does it seem the women who are high maintenance, they get the guys, they are all fawning all over them.

>> what do you have to say about that?

>> i think it's a tradeoff. i think if someone offers a lot, guys will have more patience as far as being high maintenance, but if they don't offer a lot, they are going to have less patience.

>> i think, though, you have to take your own needs seriously in a relationship if you want anyone else to take you seriously.

>> people will treat you the way you let them.

>> there's needy, then there's someone when knows what they want.

>> needy doesn't sound good either, though.

>> we're all needy as human beings .

>> needy is never good.

>> regular guy says no.

>> regular guy, i would say needy is definitely not something you want.

>> what if she needs your love?

>> that's a different story.

>> that's needy.

>> that works.

>> if you're in a relationship --

>> he is a regular guy.

>> bottom line, if you're in a relationship and you feel it's time to have the talk, if you want to start making plans on a wednesday for a saturday rather than waiting until it's 5:00 p.m . saturday and waiting until you get that text, that's fine, that's a normal basic human right.

>> what if it turns him off?

>> if the guy is turned off by the fact you want to make plans before 30 minutes beforehand, that's not the guy you want to be with.

>> let's ask regular guy.

>> you're dating hoda, she doesn't like you're sloppy and don't decide until friday, fine, you know what i'm going to do friday, i've got plans. what do you do?

>> she's got every right. in a normal, healthy relationship, you give someone more than 30 minutes notice, that's inconsiderate.

>> what if it's early in the day or the day before and you're a planner.

>> same day is unacceptable. i think the considerate thing to do is give someone at least a day notice.

>> i think it also depends where you are in a relationship. if you've just met, fine, it's okay to be casual, but at a certain point, it's fine to have an expectation.

>> don't be an ultimatum girl.

>> when is it time to tell them what you want or need, how far into a relationship?

>> really depends on the relationship, but certainly a couple of weeks, several days, that kind of thing. if you've been dating for a year and feel it's time to talk about marriage, absolutely.

>> are you dating, regular guy?

>> i'm out there dating in new york city , and i would say depends where you are in the relationship. i don't think you could put a time table on it, because three months could be one date a week, or you could be dating someone a month and it could be a lot more serious than dating someone for three months.

>> you sound like a nice regular guy.

>> get him a regular date.

>> hopefully we can move from regular guy to something more interesting.

>> we'll work on that.