TODAY

TODAY   |  May 09, 2013

Can an affair save your marriage?

Pediatrician Lisa Thornton, author Rachel Campos-Duffy, TV host Rene Syler, and blogger Audrey McClelland share their wit and wisdom on a variety of topics affecting women, from marriage and mothering to friendships.

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>>> from marriage to mothering and the friendships in between, we have wise women ready to share their wit and wisdom. dr. lisa thornton, and rachel is an author and political punt it, and host on the live well network, and audrey mcclellan is the co-founder of mom generation.com. welcome to all of you guys. a lot of great topics to chew on this morning. let's start with this one, which is very interesting. i'm curious to hear your takes on this. this comes from a daily mail article about a new survey that said that one in three women say their own infidelity actually helped boost their marital sex lives and apparently more than half of the women said an affair made it easier for them to stay in their marriage. perhaps made them appreciate what they had more. who knows if they felt guilty. renee, you have an interesting take on this one because actually about a year ago when you were married for 18 years you were considering perhaps either an fair or leaving your husband.

>> yeah, yeah. i mean, that's a hard thing to actually say out loud.

>> but you have written about it. it's published.

>> it's anot a secret. i've written about it on good enough mother.com, my blog. we've been married for 18 years. i was convinced at 18 years i was out of that. yeah.

>> what made you stay in? was it the thought that i might have an affair, or what made you decide to stick with it?

>> the reason i can't get down with these women who are saying that i think that this is, you know, going to help my marriage is that i understood that i couldn't implode my entire family over that infidelity, which is really what it boiled down to for me. we went to therapy, and we worked through it, and now we've been married 19 years.

>> the infidelity never happened.

>> right.

>> i think it's a great idea.

>> what?

>> if the guy has an affair too. as long as we're all in. let's everybody just have affairs, and then it's open.

>> open marriage .

>> really. if it's fwood for the woman, then it should be good for a husband.

>> that's what i think is all wrong with modern women . not going to happen. i think what's wrong with modern feminism today is this idea that if we emulate men that somehow it's empowering even if it's something as ugly and destructive as an affair. self-reliance is empowering. you know, earned success is empowering. having an affair, kind of like people saying a lap dance , learning that, is empowering. i don't find that empowering. i don't think that women -- you know what i'm saying?

>> the main goal is we all have the right to have a happily ever after, so, you know, if you don't want to have it, if you're not feeling happy, then you get a divorce, you get separated. i feel like you either have open communication with each other, or you see counseling. it comes down to three different things.

>> we have to move on. it's a good one, but we have to move on. this is a survey conducted by baby center. nearly one-fourth of all women reveal that family and friends aren't looped into the social media , then they're less involved in their lives. in other words, iffure want on my facebook , then you're out.

>> this drives me crazy.

>> what is this about? i don't get this.

>> i don't like -- i like to multi-task, so if i'm sitting in front of a computer, then i can't load the dish washer or clean a toilet. i actually kind of resent that there are family members who only, you know, communicate via facebook . they don't call anymore. i feel like you really don't want to have a conversation. that's the more how are you doing? no, really don't answer me. i'm just saying how are you doing?

>> audrey , your whole career is based on social media .

>> absolutely.

>> you understand perhaps what draws people, and i guess people expect that you're going to be involved in their lives and know about their children's birthdays or --

>> absolutely.

>> they want --

>> this is me. you know? i announced my pregnancy on facebook on my blog, on youtube. i made a video of my kids saying we're having a girl after four boys.

>> people often say no more with you if you don't go to my blog or --

>> it's funny because after people -- i had people come up to me two months later, i didn't know you were pregnant. it was like -- i put it on my blog. you didn't read it?

>> more pressure to, like, be connect and do this and do that. i just --

>> i feel a lot of mommy guilt already.

>> why add another thing?

>> i think social media is the new backyard fence. that's how you -- we're connected.

>> literally keeping up with the joness on facebook , right? well, ladies, unfortunately not enough time to talk more, but dr. lisa, thank you so much. rachel, renee, and audrey , great to have you all here.