TODAY

TODAY   |  April 23, 2013

3 tips for overcoming confidence issues

Life coach Laura Baron and author Tonya Reimman discuss how lacking confidence affects your body language, how you speak and the way others perceive you. They explain that you can boost your confidence through the clothes you choose and by sticking to decisions you make.

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This content comes from Closed Captioning that was broadcast along with this program.

>>> we're back with more of "today" on this booze-day, tuesday, talking about the power of confidence, in you're having trouble in relationships or finding a job. it could be related to your self-esteem.

>> your body language speaks volumes about how others perceive you. here with tips to boost your confidence is life coach laura baron and tanya reiman is the author of the body language of dating.

>> we're looking at you.

>> i couldn't believe --

>> we have the body language .

>> can i tell you something, i did sit up more erectly --

>> what?

>> you're all sick.

>> as you say that, i mean confidence does affect your sex life .

>> yes.

>> let's talk about confidence. it is, we're looking at the crowd outside saying i wonder if you can tell just by looking at people. but people do make a snap judgment about you based on how you carry yourself, don't they?

>> and respond to you as well.

>> people are going to railroad you, if they see that they've got an option. that's where it's so important. you cannot have successful relationships or be in a successful profession if you're not confident.

>> you know what -- it's one tenth of a second. no, no, no, yes. all of these assumptions are made before we've even had an opportunity to say hello to someone. we've decided if they're yes or no. can you fake it? absolutely.

>> and plus, you don't even have to grunt or -- don't grunt.

>> i mean like this is an easy fake to do. if you're going to fake something.

>> don't people have a sense like when you walk up to someone and they're pretending, you feel, i feel it when someone feels at ease in their own skin.

>> there's an excellent study that came out where they showed, you do something called the power pose, a dominant pose. so you would stand up tall, hands on hips, open up your body language . what that does is it increases your testosterone which gives you power and confidence and lowers your cortisol.

>> can't you also intimidate somebody?

>> yes.

>> and think you're looking confident, but actually looking arrogant?

>> the difference is you need to exert what's most natural to you. you can't change your character. if you're somebody who is quiet and soft spoken when you come in with a superman pose, although it's a great tool, you'll look ridiculous.

>> let's pretend you're walking into a meeting with your bosses and you're kind of soft-spoken and people don't listen to you. what should that person do?

>> first of all, wear stillettos.

>> okay. then what?

>> you're in the room.

>> your shoulders are back, neck is elongated, you walk in with a firm purpose.

>> you practice before you go in?

>> don't kid yourself about the power pose, although it seems like it might be intimidating, what it does is it brings out more of the natural alpha you.

>> the young man that made the terrible gaffe on his first day, what advice would you give him? what should he do when he goes in to see his boss about it?

>> well first of all, he should not be speaking.

>> ever? for the rest of his life?

>> no.

>> wow, tough.

>> he'll be fine.

>> he'll find another line of work.

>> tanya, what do you think?

>> get on your fours and apologize.

>> in the situation, sometimes do you have to go in in a more docile manner, go in a lower demeanor.

>> he screwed up. you walk in and i'm sorry.

>> recognize that. you know --

>> i do also like if you've done such a big goof, you need to like --

>> in the old days, the goofs were just between the people that watched that afternoon, now -- we're talking about it on the hottest show on television.

>> now eye contact.

>> a little stalker.