TODAY | April 03, 2013
>>> it's so exciting when we get to actually do nbc news. breaking news, and we think it's because of us.
>> just moments after our chat, we learned that the coach from rutgers, his contract has been terminated.
>> there, we did it.
>> totally breaking news. that is fun.
>> that's because you're dateline hoda.
>> let's go to our next segment.
>>> how to negotiate. whether you want a better salary or want your husband to do dishes, there are certain things up to do to get what you want.
>> here are the tips. cindy levy, editor from "glamour "glamour" and jean chatzky. there are tips we can walk away with and make us better.
>> real hard tips like hard news.
>> a theme.
>> are we trying to get a raise? what are we doing?
>> it really could be anything. you have a goal, you want more money or like kathie said, you want him to do things on a regular basis.
>> you say find a location.
>> i think there's this misconception that all negotiations have to take place in a boardroom under fluorescent lights. if you have a chance to be in a more sociable setting, it's friendlier.
>> you should be eating, because it sorts of brings down your boundaries and makes for a more free-flowing conversation.
>> there are studies that show that negotiations work better if you're at a meal. my trick in my own marriage is every important conversation has to happen in the car on a long car trip, you know, more than half an hour.
>> you have no place to go.
>> that's the point. that's where i talk to my teenagers. you have an audience that's not going anywhere.
>> i used to put my kids in the bathtub.
>> in the bathtub. trapped?
>> that won't work at an office.
>> at the end of a negotiation, everyone wants to feel like they got something. you both have to win kind of in that game, don't you?
>> absolutely. if you can put yourself in the other person's shoes and figure out what constitutes a win going in, you're ahead of the game.
>> getting what they said while you get what you need.
>> write that down.
>> really good negotiators, if they see the other person is not feeling great about the outcome, they'll say what else can i do? how do i make this worth your while? if both are not happy, it won't last.
>> bafblly in the marriage what if you're the giver and your partner is basically a taker, that's his nature and that's what he's used to.
>> sometimes you need a third party to help you through this negotiation. if this is a constant problem, you may be better off just --
>> in counseling.
>> how do you get them to go there?
>> you lay it on the line . if it's a situation that's not going well and not going to move forward --
>> if you feel like you lose every negotiation, he gets what he wants.
>> but even if a work contest, if you don't feel like you're able to handle it, there are situations where you abdicate, walk out and let somebody else do it for you, because you get too emotional.
>> i think what women do that undermines them is we're very uncomfortable with silence.
>> we have to fill it, just like i did.
>> so greatnegotiators use that to your advantage.
>> ladies, thank you for all your information. we appreciate it.