TODAY | February 11, 2013
>> al, thank you. on "today's" relationships, bringing back the romance. michelle callahan is the author
ms. typed: stop sabotaging your relationships and find dating success." good morning, ladies.
>> good morning.
>> judith, let me start with you. we know what romance feels like. when you try to put it into words it's hard to define.
>> that spark between two people. it could be a moment. could be a mood. but it leads to some feeling of -- i would call it positive, emotional arousal.
>> emotional arousal, michelle , as opposed to sexual arousal here? because there's a difference.
>> yes. you can have sex without romance but you can also have romance without sex. we want people to know it's okay to be -- you don't have to be sexually active to have romance in your life, to have romantic interactions.
>> so whether it's with a stranger, having that little interaction, or with your spouse of some 40 years, it's about bringing that spark back. and little things , right?
>> it's a little juice. and you can create it. you can create an opportunity to do it. you need a little imagination, a little flirtation and the willingness to touch. those three things, doesn't matter whether you have a 40-year partner or four-minute. you have something going.
>> some people, though, may fear rejection or they may just have put romance by the wayside. they just don't feel romantic anymore. how do you kind of approach whoever it is you're trying to be romantic with and kind of get that back?
>> if you're shut down, yourself, it will involve taking a little bit of lift. we're talking eye contact . we're talking eye smile at a stranger in the coffee shop .
>> little things , yeah.
>> just that to keep yourself out there and alive. this is the icing on our cake. you don't have to do without that icing any time in life.
>> it's just a smile. if the person doesn't smile back you can keep moving . chances are they will. that opens up the opportunity for more interaction.
>> you have to be willing to take a risk, right?
>> when we think of romance, sometimes we get older, we often don't think as older people as having that romantic spark.
>> the people that do not think that older people don't have that romantic spark are our children.
>> we just don't want to think about that maybe.
>> and i say don't tell them. but the fact is, that spark is there. if you got that spark going and when you get that spark back, it's going in the home. it can carry us out of the home, that spark.
>> i would imagine that romance would get better with age.
>> it certainly can. for some people they have changes that make them feel less confident. they go through biological changes, hormonal changes. it can actually keep going and we can keep it moving if you just stay confident and just, you know, be creative with it.
>> keep one huge thing in mind. romance is appreciating somebody else. it's not about me and what i look like and what my -- it's about you and the fact that i think you're adorable and i just might tell you today because that feels good to both of us.
>> we were talking on friday -- we did a whole -- we talked about this survey in a book and they basically say communication really is the key to bringing that romance back.
>> express the feeling. express the thought. it's a low-risk, high-reward thing to do.
>> just talking can be very flirtatious. that communication, as you were saying before, just a little bit of touch. the study also talked about affection. even like you said, a touching of the hand. a touching of the elbow.
>> a wink, a hug. instead of shaking hands, what if you give them a hug and a side kiss? that's very romantic.
>> the eyes are going.
>> i'm working it.
>> it's working. i'm feeling the connection. judith stills and michelle callahan, thank you. happy valentine's day.
>> happy valentine's day to you.