TODAY | January 24, 2013
>>> we invited you to write in to ask your most pressing question for today's ask the therapist. boy, did you, joining me with our psychologist, debbie. thanks for joining us. our first question is from rose, she writes ever since my husband got a smartphone two years ago and discovered netflix, he has a very bad habit of watching on his phone in bed. he can basically do that for hours. this has taken a toll on our marriage. he feels i shouldn't "control" him. i feel that his phone obsession is controlling our relationship. please help. this is a problem a lot of people have. if you can go all day on that iphone , how do you separate your life from the real life .
>> this is not an iphone technology because we all love our blackberries and iphones and doesn't necessarily get in the way of the couple. this is really a couple issue and she's talking about him being controlled and she needs to understand she may be putting something out to control him. short term, i would tell her to back off and stop nagging him.
>> you're putting this on her. to me, this guy has to stop doing this and put it on the tv so they can both watch it.
>> i'm not putting it on her and instead of nagging him, say i miss you or desire you. really, this would be a bigger couple issue. i would recommend this couple sit down with a good therapist and find out what's going on in your marriage. you love your iphone but i'm sure if you're in bed with your wife, you want to hang out with your wife.
>> this comes from michelle. she writes my best friends is single and wants to borrow my husband for a family wedding she wants to attend. i implicitcy trust both of them but it still bothers me. does that make me a terrible wife and friend. to this i ask, who asks to borrow a husband? sn>> you're not a single woman and if you can't find a date and feel terrible going by yourself. if you're really close, you may ask the person's husband. what i say to michelle, first of all, if she says she im plplicitly trusts them and bothered, that might be dissident. she may not trust them as much as she did or may come into trust issues she never knew she had or maybe not feeling good about herself and insecurity. i will say if she's uncomfortable say no and set that boundary.
>> i hope this doesn't become a trend. i don't want to be loaned out to any weddings.
>> this is from amy. i'm a 43-year-old woman and i've had the best friend since middle school . over the past few years our lives have taken us down a different career. i single and dating with a demanding career. these days it feels forced and awkward when we see each other. should i maintain this friendship or accept the fact we've grown apart. how do you tell a life-long friend it's time to end it?
>> when one is single and the other is married, it becomes much more difficult. first, there's nothing like an old friend, it's history and family. first, you have to have an open conversation and see if there was something that happened over the years that wasn't discussed you kcan get rid of the awkwardness. if you can't, have an honest conversation, you can't stay friends with everyone because of history. try to hold on first and then let them go through honesty and communication.
>> a tough conversation to have.
>> it is.
>> our next conversation how do i resolve dispute with a friend and co-worker of 19 years, a mutual friend embellished a conversation we had about her and she overreacted. i reached out three times now and asking to discuss this situation and receiveded a no from her. do i forget this friendship? i still have to work with her and she's making life there unplegssant.
>> this is different than a life-long friend. she's taking ownership of the conversation. maybe it was embellished, she did have the conversation. she said she reached out. we can only do what we can do and mind our own store. she can't change this other co-worker's mind. she needs to rise above and get rid of the drama and be professional and try to be friends.
>> this is really sticky. thanks for talking about this on lo loner husbands and much