TODAY | January 23, 2013
>>> we all feel vulnerable from time to time. her new book "daring greatly" is a "new york times" best seller. dr. brown, good to see you.
>> thank you.
>> we asked a great mom, who happens to be hanging around, kimora lee .
>> she puts herself out there.
>> model, mogul and mom.
>> we've been cracking jokes behind the scenes so we're ready.
>> we're ready.
>> okay. the title of the book "dare great greatly" where does that come from?
>> it's a phrase from a speech roosevelt gave that says -- some people recognize it as it's not the critic who counts. the speech goes on to say it's not the critic, it's the person in the arena, who may be winning, may be losing, may be getting their butt kik cked but at least they're in there, daring greatly. this is everything i know about vulnerability. it's not about winning. it's not about losing. it's about showing up and letting ourselves be seen.
>> i love that quote. the question that you used to guide your life in the past was what would you do if you knew you couldn't fail. but now instead you changed that thinking and say we should all be doing this, what is worth trying even if i fail? so why the change?
>> i think we have to show up. i think we have to find the courage to walk into the arena . and when we ask people, what is vulnerability, the answers were shocking to me. vulnerability is saying i love you first. vulnerability is the first date after my divorce. vulnerability is trying to get pregnant after my second miscarriage. it's initiating sex with my wife, starting my own business. you know, putting my work out to the world. and so i think there's a myth that vulnerability is weakness when, in fact, i think it's our most accurate measure of courage. i think walking into that arena, especially in this culture today, where people are so critical and cynical, is incredibly brave.
>> vulnerability can be very scary, too, though. you feel like you let your guard down, open yourself up and what if you're rejected after all that? that can devastate people. how do you help people prepare for the possibility that they might be rejected and find the courage to go ahead and be vulnerable anyway?
>> there's no question. this is so important to talk about. if you keep going in the arena, you're going to come out bruised and bloodied a few times. that's just inevitable. i do think it's scary but i don't think it's as scary as spending our lives wondering what it would be like if we were to have shown up.
>> i have three small kids. and hearing about vulnerability, you always think maybe am i giving in, am i letting them get away with murder? who is the parent and who is the adult? how does that come into play when it's about parenting and your young kids? you don't want to give in for everything. you want to be tough but not too tough.
>> yeah. i'm a parent as well. i have a 7-year-old and a 13-year-old. i think it's the ultimate act of vulnerability, parenting. i think forever, in our entire parenting lives. for me it's really important -- one thing i think you have to bring into the arena with you at all times is a real clear idea of your values. parenting from our values and having the courage to be especially -- i have a teenage girl. to not be the friend, to be unliked. to stand up for what you believe in and to model that for your kids. what we need today are more courageous kids, kids who understand boundaries, know how to set them, respect them and hold them.
>> in my case, a parenting question i have is teaching our kids to be grateful for the little things , because we do live in a day and age where kids expect instant gratification and they are so spoiled. but i want them to really appreciate the little things and their health and their happiness, because that goes a long way.
>> gratitude and joy emerged as huge variables in my research. the most effective way to do it, really, is make gratitude a family practice . all of us fear raising kids who are privileged because our kids have a will the of thing we didn't have maybe. there's a big difference between privilege and entitlement and that difference is a gratitude practice.
>> dr. renee brown, giving us a lot of things to