TODAY | December 06, 2012
>> back now with "when is it okay to." as parents, we have to make tough calls when it comes to kids. we've assembled a group of moms to tackle the best way to handle swal situations. dr. lisa thornton is a pediatrician and soleil moon frye is back with us. ladies, good morning.
>> good morning.
>> good morning.
>> let's get to it. a lot of good topics to talk about. first up, when is it okay to inform the children of financial troubles? now, this is that time of year people are out doling a lot of money, gifts and everything. kids may start to ask about this. let me ask you, dr. lisa first, what is your feeling about this? talking to kids about finances?
>> well, i think any time's a great time to begin to help your children begin to be financially l literate. but don't scare your kids. if it's something minor like we cannot afford this particular item, i think that's fine to use those words. we can't afford it. because children can begin to understand there are certain things that our finances don't allow. but if it's something like a home foreclosure where you might be moving, children just need to know they are safe and the parents are going to protect them no matter what.
>> good point.
>> stacy, i know you had an experience where you were changing jobs and your son was asking about finances.
>> he became obsessed with the mortgage and how was i going to pay it. and he was 7 years old. i don't know where he got that word.
>> got a good brain.
>> but what i said is, we're going to be fine, honey, i'm looking for a job and i have savings. and that's when i introduced the idea of savings. i say you work, you put money away, don't worry about it. but i think a lot of parents are afraid to say that that they can't afford it and end up getting in situations where they're more stressed out, taking on extra hours. i think what we need to do is step back and really realize what kids really want. it's not stuff, it's a parent.
>> that's true.
>> great perspective.
>> my husband said so, kids, we're going to be teaching about giving back because we went to india and they saw a whole other way of life . so we're going to rewrap your old gifts and they were totally into that idea. they seriously loved it.
>> that is a great idea.
>> and again, it's about them having that time with you. i didn't grow up with a lot of money, but i never felt like we didn't have a lot of money because we had the riches of each other.
>> great points. okay. let's get to the next topic. when is it okay to tell your children something negative about himself or herself? i think as parents, we always overcoddle. we sometimes tend to overpraise. let me start off with soleil. have you had this conversation?
>> i am very honest with my girls. but i always try to also point out their good qualities. so when i'm talking to them about something, i have a first grader who has a lot of, you know, drama that goes on in school and --
>> and a 4-year-old that's going through, oh, this is mine. and they're the most amazing girls, i love you guys, but we really try to talk about all the incredible qualities, how loving they are, compassion and kindness and at the same time here's things you can work on. i think just remember to also talk about all the good, beautiful qualities of them and that will help.
>> here's things you can work on, right?
>> or use examples of yourself. you can say i have this issue and that also --
>> that's a good way to go about it.
>> i talk about my childhood a lot.
>> the rationale should be for your kids you're trying to help them build character and you want to tell them what kind of person you want them to grow up to be. any time you're giving correction to behavior or attitude it's because you want them to grow up and be a particular kind of person. i think they want to model that for you.
>> i gave her an example of something i did as a kid and she got emotional about it because it made her to have to reflect. i think that's a great way of doing it is showing something from your own youth.
>> it's important to give them a realistic sense of self.
>> my son has adhd, which means there's a bunch of traveling sensory soothing habits that people call out and notice. and i said beware of it and know sometimes people don't like it. it's great that's who you are, though.
>> sadly, you hear the music. we could talk -- but that means we are signaling for the next hour. just ahead, willie's going to fill in with hoda for kathie lee