TODAY | November 09, 2012
>>> can destroy a relationship. how can you make sure you and your spouse are on solid ground ? our guest is a relationship expert and we have today's financial editor. good morning to you both. money is an uncomfortable topic to begin with and it seems like the less we talk about it the more problems you have.
>> sure. we don't talk about it because it's the truth. you know, it's the one thing in a relationship that can quantify what else is going on in the relationship.
>> so how big a deal is financial infidelity? is it a real problem?
>> it is a real deal . we know money causes more divorces than anything else and it is when the lives get really big that it leads people down that track especially when it has to do with debt.
>> let's look at our facebook page. people are saying, i don't do it on big purchases. i do scale back the number a little if it's just a fun shopping trip. brandy says i ask for money for one thing and spend it on other things. i'm guilty. he always eventually finds out. doesn't he always find out in the end anyway?
>> yeah, but you know these are not that big of a deal. it's like licking some frosting instead of eating the cake. put everything into perspective here.
>> you're all for financial infidelity is what i'm getting.
>> i am not so against it i got to say just because, listen. this is a response to the truth of the relationship. the truth of the relationship is you guys are not communicating. you goo not have everything in tow. if you're not in a trusting relationship this is what happens.
>> the problem with money is it becomes a rabbit hole . you take out one pay day loan and then for whatever reason you can't pay it back so you take a out another and you didn't tell your spouse about the first one so all of a sudden you've got massive debt or you over spent and now you have to cop to something really big. couples are much better off if they can lay some ground rules .
>> to begin with.
>> for sure.
>> we did a survey that showed 70% of women and 63% of men think cheating is cheating whether it's financial or sexual you're still cheating on me. do you agree?
>> i think the zipper trumps the wallet. always. you know?
>> that is the sound bite of the day.
>> we'll stitch that on to a pillow.
>> but actually even one of my twitter followers was telling me that he had -- his wife put him in a hundred thousand dollars worth of debt. it's still stealing from him. and yet because she didn't sleep with another man he is staying with her.
>> let's get to your tips on how to fix this. you both have some. fixing financial infidelity. you say planned independence and agree on a line in the sand .
>> just because you marry somebody doesn't mean you want the same things. it doesn't make you the same person. i like shoes. he likes iphones or ipods or whatever. so give yourself a certain amount of money that you can spend every month without asking permission. then you don't have to lie.
>> do you like the idea of separate bank accounts ?
>> i love the idea of separate bank accounts and one for the house because i think we each need to be able to remain a little bit independent in case something goes wrong with the marriage so that then we know how to handle our own money.
>> your say renegotiate. what do you mean by that?
>> yeah. you know, the economics of your family is going to change. so if the money all goes down, she does not have to stop getting her manicures and pedicures if he is going out getting all the technology. if one suffers we all suffer.
>> how about disclosure?
>> what do you earn? what do you snoen what do you owe? those are the three things you have to share before you get married but also things you have to share along the way. once a month, once a week, whatever you decide your schedule is going to be. give yourselves five minutes and just talk about it.
>> all right. the big takeaway here the zipper trumps the wallet.