The best way to ‘break up’ with a friend

>> friends, but when it comes down to it, how many are close enough to count on?

>> as we get older, it's not always as easy to make good friends. where are we supposed to find them? we hit the streets to find out some of the craziest ways you guys have made your friends.

>> craziest place we made a friend is in the bathroom. sometimes you need to share a square. underneath the stall we made a friend.

>> i met my best friend on the subway about 18 years ago. trying to figure out where we were supposed to get off. then we got off together and we just started hanging out.

>> an accessory party. invited a lot of ladys to come in and look at the products and ali was there and that's where we met.

>> traveling. hanging out in different places. bumping into people and you go, i heard you talking about such and such. that's a great way of making friends .

>> all good ways. dale atkins is a psychologist and shasta nelson is ceo of girlfriend circles.com.

>> she is big trouble .

>> i heard the rumor.

>> ever since third grade.

>> good friends. should we have --

>> often we take them for granted. we have to wonder, are we still as friendly with the people we thought we were friendly with? are we nurturing the friendships we really want. you never want to take a good friend for granted.

>> sometimes we outgrow a friendship.

>> nothing really happens except you have children or something happens.

>> we are replacing half our friends every seven years. if you were take your bridesmaids and pick them today, if you did it seven years ago and seven years from now, half would be different.

>> it's healthy. one of the things i'm concerned about when people are changing their friends like changing their clothes, they are not necessarily really focusing on the history they may have shared. there is something to be said for history and something to be said for shared experiences. you go through changes, yes. you still may have a lot in common you want to use as your root.

>> sometimes you get off track with friends because either you have children, your life gets busy and complicated. sometimes friendships do die on the vine. how do you know when it's worth saving and holding on to?

>> that is the big question. that is a hard one. i'm totally with dale on this. i encourage women. we need to practice the skill of forgiveness and skill of not judging as much and work on our own self-esteem. a lot of relationships crumble when we get jealous, if you have the baby before me, you got the job i wanted.

>> got the man i wanted.

>> right. now i want you to be my single sidekick and now you're married. having to learn how to show up in a different way.

>> is this common you have a friend from college like my friend jan. i talk to her once a year. we pick up exactly where we left off andcherish her friendship.

>> it's a heart-felt connection. when we have those we can keep them connected more frequently. know this is somebody i'm going to touch base with and it's really important. i want to go back to something shasta said. you mentioned breaking up with people. yes, we do have to be much more forgiving and be able to welcome people. when you are going to say to somebody, this just isn't working for me or we are going to different places, you have to take responsibility for that and not blame the other person.

>> unless they are really guilty.

>> you can say i find that i just can't be the kind of friend you want any more.

>> people say it's not you, it's me when it's really you.

>> it's always you.

>> people do have trouble finding new friends. especially when you get older.

>> or you move someplace new.

>> this is what you do for a living. what is a good spot?

>> girlfriend circles.com. that's where we want to meet women. it's like shaping serendipity. be wherever the people are you want to be friends with. when you join meeting groups to go hiking or join a choir or join a church. whatever you are enjoying and want to do. do that.

>> how did you meet your best friend ?

>> boy, which best friend ? i have several. they are all from different places in life. i've been known to walk up to my next door neighbors and knock on doors with cookies.

>> i think what you want to do is i did when i was teaching with someone, we were really close and remained best friends . the issue is do things that make your own heart sing. you'll be your best and open to people. travel with people. take classes and learn something new. do something you're really passionate about. i know somebody who is a gardener. she joined a community garden .

>> join a book club .

>> you have to realize you have to make the time and effort.

>> i think you attract what's within you.

>> of course.

>> we feel like it should happen automatically. we are walking around not feeling as connected because it happened automatically when we were in school. consistency what is happened automatically.

>> we used to talk to one another are involved with technology. we are missing opportunities.