June 24, 2011 at 2:54 PM ET
Oh. It is so on.
Justin Bieber's camp issued an official statement dismissing the report that some — or maybe a cop, possibly a "crazed fan" — brutally attacked the Canadian idol or something yesterday outside Macy's Herald Square in Manhattan where the kid was shilling his new Bieber-branded stink juice, "Someone."
"This was a momentary, well-intentioned misunderstanding that was quickly resolved, and the event went very well," Bieber's publicist told AP in an email.
Maybe so, but the Kraken — aka the Belieber tween army of Twitter assassins — had been released.
Not long after news of Bieber's alleged brush with boo boos hit TMZ, the death threats started to trend on Twitter. "Tom Petterson" became the target of their adolescent rage, the name ascribed to the scum who came too close to touching a market-tested hair on the Biebe's jillion-dollar head. After that, no Tom Petterson on the Internet was safe. If tweets could kill, all the Tom Pettersons in the world would have mourning loved ones.
Here's some of the few not lousy with profanities:
@TeamOfBieber: Dear Tom Petterson, roses are red, violets are blue, get ready for the future, 10 million beliebers will attack you ;)
@Tom Petterson, you're going to die.
@JumanaHMD: I really want Tom Petterson to die and burn in hell #amen
@BieberfiedSykes: dear Tom Petterson, BRO you messed with the wrong group of people, YOU WILL DIE.
@BiebsBeadlesUSA: i hate Tom Petterson you hate him 2 lets get togather and kill that fool w/ a great big gun we'll shot him in the head 1-2-3 & now he's dead.
Check out Buzzfeed's "20 Terrifying Tom Petterson Death Threats By Beliebers" for some delightful NSFW kill tweets sent by tomorrow's grownups.
News reports on yesterday's incident outside Macy's Herald Square differ on what exactly happened, with some saying it was a plain clothes cop who clashed with Bieber's security crew, others say it was a security crew member clashing with the cops. Regardless, if you want to waste some time finding the anti-Petterson tweets still generating on Twitter, you'll find addresses and phone numbers of the various Tom Pettersons of the world.
At least the Tom Pettersons can take comfort in the knowledge that they are not the first, nor will they be the last target of tween rage. The Tom Pettersons of the Internet join Kim Kardashian, Selena Gomez, Esperanza Spalding (who foolishly beat out Bieber for Best New Artist Grammy), Greg Leuch (the dude who made ShavedBieber, theFirefox extension that blocks Bieber on the Internet) and that one girl who foolishly tore up the Justin Bieber poster on YouTube.
Rumor has it, Bieber's mom is still getting death threats for making Justin cry on the day he was born. Regardless, all targets yet live.
More on the annoying way we live now: