June 18, 2013 at 9:29 AM ET
The two biggest events of Kanye West's year are happening back-to-back: He watched Kim Kardashian gave birth to their daughter on Saturday, and his new album Yeezus drops on Tuesday. It's only sort of a coincidence; Kanye knew he was going to be a father when he put the album together. So you'd think the record might contain some reflections on fatherhood, some sense of the changes happening in Kanye's life.
Instead, Yeezus is angry, bombastic, egocentric—enough to make the L.A. Times wonder if Kanye is going through "an early midlife crisis." Personally, we're wondering what his child is going to think when she realizes that she and Yeezus share a birthday. Here are 5 questionable lessons that Kanye's daughter could learn from the lyrics of his new songs.
1. Daddy gets grumpy when he's hungry.
From "I Am a God": "I am a God/ So hurry up with my damn massage/ In a French ... restaurant/ Hurry up with my damn croissants."
2. Daddy is a werewolf, or possibly a mummy.
From "Black Skinhead": "I'm aware I'm a wolf/ Soon as the moon hit/ I'm aware I'm a king/ Back out the tomb b****"
3. Daddy hates people taking his picture.
From "New Slaves": "I'll move my family out the country/ So you can't see where I stay/ So go and grab the reporters/ So I can smash their recorders"
4. Daddy asks Santa for weird presents.
From "Bound 2": "And hey, ayo, we made it, Thanksgiving /So hey, maybe we can make it to Christmas /She asked me what I wished for on the wishlist /Have you ever asked your b**** for other b*****s?"
5. Daddy is more scared of the dark than I am.
From "I'm in It": "Got the kids and the wife life/ But can't wake up from the night life/ I'm so scared of my demons/ I go to sleep with a nightlight."
6. Daddy is tight with Jesus because they both have lots of money.
From "I Am a God": "I just talked to Jesus/ He said 'What up Yeezus?'/ I said, '... I'm chilling/ Trying to stack these millions'/ I know he the most high/ But I am a close high"
Donna Kaufman is an iVillage contributing writer—find her on Twitter.
A version of this story originally appeared on iVillage.