'True Blood' returns with guts, gore and a vampire god
The wait is finally over! On Sunday night, HBO's "True Blood" returned and picked up the plot right where it left off last summer.
For those who don't remember, that means just moments after Bill drank the remaining drops of Lilith's holy blood, he rose again as ... well, whatever his is now.
According to Jason, he's a "evil-monster-vampire-god thing." The truth is, even Bill's not sure.
"I am Bill Compton, though clearly, I am something more," he told Eric's sister Nora right after she, Eric and Sookie attempted to kill him.
And props to Sookie, who actually managed to drive a stake through his heart -- not that it did any good. Surviving that is just one of his many new powers, along with flying and a gruesome sort of telekinesis. Oh, and the power to talk Jessica into standing by his side even though he's obviously bad news.
Home, sweet home
While one of Sookie's exes was busy creeping everyone out, her other ex was being a standup vamp.
After seeing her home safe and sound, Eric transferred ownership of the Stackhouse family home back to Sookie. How did she thank him for the good deed (and the actual deed)? She rescinded his invitation.
Good luck when you need saving next time, Sooks!
Fans who thought Sam's shifter gal-pal Luna died at the end of last season were wrong. As it turned out, the best Steve Newlin impersonator in Bon Temps still had enough life in her to tell Sam to grab her little wolf and run.
Here's betting a certain wolf pack will have something to say about that temporary custody arraignment.
Vampires and shifters and werewolves … oh, ew!
Speaking of them, Alcide and the gang decided to honor their outgoing pack master by chowing down on his mortal remains.
After Alcide -- aka the new pack master -- enjoyed a bit of forearm, he moved on to serious wolf business, which evidently includes getting naked, running around and getting it on with anyone -- new girl, girlfriend, both ... whatever.
Don't take rides from strangers
Jason hitched a ride with a mystery man and proceeded to tell him all his woes, including the bit about how he's spending a lot of quality time with his long-deceased parents.
That led to second most memorable lines of the night: "I feel like that little gay boy from that movie 'I See Dead People.' "
(Lafayette took top honors when he called Luna's Newlin broadcast "the sickest (expletive) I've seen on TV -- and I watch 'Dance Moms!' ")
Sookie's brother went on to blab all about Warlow. That's when he realized the downside of getting into a strange car with a strange man on a strange night in Bon Temps.
"Who the hell do you think I am, Jason?" the man behind the wheel asked just before pulling a vanishing act.
What did you think of the season premiere? Share your thoughts in the comments section.