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Officials say Madonna's liquid plan is all wet

When Madonna isn’t busy being crucified in concert or horseback riding in the English countryside, she wants to use the powers of Kabbalah to rid the world of nuclear waste.
/ Source: msnbc.com

When Madonna isn’t busy being or horseback riding in the English countryside, she wants to use the powers of Kabbalah to rid the world of nuclear waste.

The singer and her director hubby Guy Ritchie have been “lobbying the government and nuclear industry over a scheme to clean up radioactive waste with a supposedly magic Kabbalah fluid,” according to London’s Sunday Times.

The power couple has approached various British government agencies, urging the detoxing powers of a “mystical” liquid developed by the mystical offshoot of Judaism, which is currently trendy among some celebs.

“It was like a crank call . . . the scientific mechanisms and principles were just bollocks, basically,” one official told the Times.

“She relentlessly pursued people,” according to a former civil servant. “She wanted to get this Russian scientist to explain this to civil servants.”

“I can write the greatest songs and make the most fabulous films and be a fashion icon and conquer the world, but if there isn’t a world to conquer, what’s the point?” Madonna said, according to the paper. “I’ve just come to a place in my life where I’m trying to really see what the big picture is and where my energy is better spent, and that’s one area I’m really concerned about.”

Madonna’s rep dismissed the story as old news, saying that the singer’s efforts occurred a few years back. “Better to talk about her current obsession — in [the AIDS ravaged African nation of] Malawi,” she noted, “kind of adopting an entire country.”

Ashton as matching accessoryAshton Kutcher says he knows his place: he’s Demi Moore’s accessory.

“If she wears black, so do you,” the 28-year-old star of “The Butterfly Effect” tells the upcoming issue of Details. “Matching isn’t her job. It’s yours. You’re the purse.” He explained the color-coordinating nuances: “I’ll go, ‘So you’re wearing brown? Then I know I’ve got to either got for a brown or a khaki suit. You could go navy, too.”

It’s a far cry from the days when Kutcher, who married the 45-year-old “G.I. Jane’ star in 2005, was a lady-killing member of P. Diddy’s Rat Pack. Of his single days, he said, “You’ve gotten into a car with, like four select girls and you’re at a new space and you just start certain things up. It was so ego-fulfilling. It was retarded.”

Notes from all overHeather Mills has signed a book deal to tell her side of the story of her split with ex-Beatle hubby Paul McCartney.  . . . With JonBenet Ramsey back in the news, the market for paraphernalia related to the has heated up. One person is looking to sell nine original pics of the Ramseys taken shortly before the murdered beauty queen’s death a decade ago. The opening bid on eBay: $12,000.  . . . Paris Hilton has revealed how she weeds out faux friends, and some are wondering if her ex-best buddy Nicole Richie failed the test. “I’ll pick out two outfits, one which is disgusting and one nice and I’ll ask my ‘friend’ what they think,” the heiress said, reports the London Independent. “If they go for the revolting one, I cut them out of my life.”

Jeannette Walls Delivers the Scoop Mondays through Thursdays on MSNBC.com