Tonight's the last of "Toddlers & Tiaras" bonus episodes. Aw, don't throw a tantrum just yet, we still have this one last recap. This week, "T&T" features the Storybook Pageant in Harrisburg, Pa., with a whopping cash prize of $200.
So who has a fairy-tale time at the event and who's just wicked?
First we meet Carley. We already told you about mom Melissa's crazy self, but it looks like the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. The 5-year-old has developed a split personality alter ego for competing in pageants, named Darla. One of them (not sure if it's Darley or Carley) tells her mom, "If I don't win, I'm gonna be pissed." How nice.
Next is 9-year-old natural-pageant veteran Alessondra, whose mom, Alane, goes all TMI with info about the conception of her "miracle child" and her "frozen chosen" sister, Arabella.
Also featured is 4-year-old Berkeley, who, if dad Joseph's sweatshirt is any indication, was named after the university.
Refreshingly, Alane shuns spray-tanning her kid and most other artificial glitz enhancements (though that clumpy mascara is sad). On the flipside, Melissa decides to have her daughter's hair dyed. A 5-year-old. With highlights. Carley herself hates her new look.
Berkeley's pageant coach, Ashley, is the most optimistic gal in the world, telling the tantrum-throwing 4-year-old, "We could do a caveman routine with that!" Hee.
Melissa's meltdown continues at the pageant, chastising her daughter after her first round onstage with, "We're getting you a Mountain Dew. You've got to step it up." She storms off leaving her 5-year-old to chase her down the hall.
But Carley (Darley?) has her revenge, pulling her fake eyelashes off as she walks offstage after her Fairy-Tale Wear routine. This sends Melissa completely off the deep end.
Alessondra also has Fairy-Tale Wear issues when her popper prop won't go off, but Alane consoles her daughter, telling her she was great. Note to Melissa: This is what good moms do.
So what do the judges think of all of this? Well, Alessondra takes fourth place in her age division. Berkeley scores Queen in her age group, and Carley Darley Carley wins Grand Supreme.
And Melissa? She shrugs off her histrionics and lack of positive comments to her daughter as "being modest."
Are you sorry to see "Toddlers & Tiaras" toddle off for the season? Will you tune in for the next batch? Share your thoughts on our Facebook page.