Any time you have to get on a microphone and announce to the 250 guests attending your daughter's birthday party, "This seems fitting for a fifth birthday party as far as I'm concerned" -- it's probably not.
But that's how Taylor and Russell Armstrong rolled when it comes to celebrating little Kennedy's birthday. But before we get to the splashy details of her County Fair fiesta, lets recap all the feuds our 90210 femmes have running on tonight's episode of "Real Housewives of Beverly Hills."
Taylor's not talking to Camille Grammer following last week's intervention masquerading as a tea party. But the women's recaps in Kyle's kitchen or over lunch at the Farm of Beverly Hills all seem to come to the same conclusion, it was about time somebody brought up the domestic abuse they'd all been whispering about.
Oddly, everyone seems to have a really hard time believing Taylor's version of events because she keeps going back to Russell. Are the ladies of Beverly Hills really that sheltered? Kyle's BFF and decorator Faye Resnick puts it best when she says, "I haven't seen the black eyes, but that doesn't mean it's not happening." Word.
Meanwhile, Adrienne Maloof's mad at Lisa Vanderpump for throwing Pandora's bachelorette party at Planet Hollywood -- and not the Palms! -- in Las Vegas. But to be fair, a friend of the Vanderpump family did offer to host the affair. And after Mohammed's Arabian Nights spectacular, you know Lisa can't say no to a free party, even if it involves a snake, a camel and a rogue mermaid.
(Side note: Everyone's entitled to their own taste but Pandy's oversized, hot-pink wedding invitations in a box ... really?!)
As for the grudge that will not die, Kim Richards refuses to talk to Brandi Glanville at Kennedy's party. But then Kim doesn't know any better. Flashback to last week when Kyle Richards confessed that their mom refused to acknowledge anyone she didn't like.
And Kyle's got more words of wisdom from mama Richards this week: "My mom always said you can never love a man like you love your children. They can do no wrong and the husband can."
Maybe that explains all the money Taylor's spending on Kennedy. Because if this was supposed to be a dialed-down version of last year's over-the-top extravaganza the woman does not know how to keep it simple. Among the Saddle Rock Ranch attractions that barely seemed to get a smile out of Kennedy are a petting zoo, pony rides, a mechanical bull, a bounce house, a magician, a trackless train and valet parking for the grownups. And that's just the stuff that made it on camera.
Then there's the live performance by "American Idol's" season five finalist Ace Young and his songwriting partner Connor Flynn (a gift from Dana Wilke) that Kennedy doesn't even look up at. And if you thought this princess was hard to please, wait until you see the straight face when she gets a pony from mommy and daddy. Maybe Kennedy really hates the cameras, but it was still a little shocking to see how un-excited she was to get her very own Flicka.
And as Dana pointed out, if you can't handle a dog, how's this family going to handle a horse? (Or maybe she was just annoyed that Russell snapped at her when she opposed his schedule change so his gift could make a grand entrance.)
Once again, Taylor seems to have planned Kennedy's party for all the wrong reasons. And while the little girl's party is obviously out of control, wouldn't it be easier to watch all the excess if she actually seemed to be enjoying herself? Let the backlash begin!
What did you think of the birthday party? Over the top or just right for a 5-year-old? Share your thoughts on the Clicker's Facebook page.