Monday night was Prom Night on "Dancing With the Stars," and just like the real event, the experience was fun for some and filled with teen-worthy angst for others.
Sure, the popular girls -- Kellie Pickler and Zendaya -- swept the competition away with their lovely 25- and 24-point Viennese waltzes, respectively. They had the best-dressed, potential-prom-king pros with them in Derek Hough and Val Chmerkovskiy, and the judges just loved them all.
And of course the football champ, Jacoby Jones, wowed the crowd and the panel with his romantic, 24-point rumba.
But not everyone belongs to the cool kids' club.
Representing the other prom-night extreme was Wynonna Judd. The country music star decided to channel her inner rocker. There was no flowing gown for her, and no powder blue tux for partner Tony Dovolani. Their on-stage prom experience featured a stripper pole, fake tattoos and a sad excuse for a samba.
With all due respect to the hoofer hopeful, the dance that had the potential to break her out of her self-imposed shell only reinforced her reputation for stiff, slow and lifeless moves. It also led to some tough talk from head judge Len Goodman.
"Well, you're like Mount Rushmore," Len said, delivering the one line no prom-going gal wants to hear. "You look magnificent, but you don't move. It had no rhythm. There was no hip action. You kept going wrong."
He insisted that he wasn't just bashing for his own pleasure.
"I don't want to be nasty to anyone," he claimed. "And I know how hard this is to --"
"No, you don't!" Tony shot back in defense of his partner, who earned 15 points for her effort.
If Len really means it when he says he doesn't want to be nasty to anyone, he might not want to appear to take such pleasure in the process. And that's not a swipe about his Wynonna dig. That Rushmore riff was a low blow, but the dance was awful and he did say she looked "magnificent" too.
No, Len's real low moment of the night came when he channeled his inner school bully once again following D.L. Hughley's latest routine.
The actor-comedian continued to show some improvement over his earliest dance, and while D.L.'s 16-point "Sex Machine" salsa wasn't exactly good -- primarily because it lacked some key salsa moves-- it was fun. What he lacked in technical skills, he made up for with enough enthusiasm to show Wynonna a thing or two.
Len just didn't see that.
"D.L, if you're the sex machine, I'm 'America's Next Top Model,' I'm telling you," he cracked. "This wasn't a salsa. There was no rhythm, not enough hip action going on. ... It was as untidy as a teenager's bedroom."
But Len didn't maintain that same strict standard with other celebs throughout the evening.
When Andy Dick performed his own hip-free (but heavy on the fun) cha-cha, Len bluntly told him that he was no dancer but also applauded Andy's ability to entertain.
"What you do is you make me feel good," the resident grump admitted. "I feel better after watching you than I did before your dance."
For that and some gratuitous shirtlessness ("I don't drink anymore, but I always carry around a six pack!"), Andy earned two points more than D.L.
And then there were the real head-scratchers of the night. Say what you will about D.L. and Andy, but they weren't any worse than Sean Lowe (who nabbed 21 points for a stiff cha-cha), Ingo Rademacher (who earned 21 for a passionless paso doble) or Victor Ortiz (whose fluidity-free contemporary effort somehow ranked a 23).
At least Lisa Vanderpump and Aly Raisman didn't have anything to complain about on prom night. Lisa's Viennese waltz was her best effort yet, and brought about her best score with 21 points (and heck, even a little praise from Len). Aly's version of the dance wasn't her top routine to date (that remains her week-one quickstep), but the 23 points she got for it were more than fair.
Tune in to Tuesday night's results show to find out which ballroom beginner will call Prom Night their last night on the dance floor.
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