Dating again after my marriage ended took a positive attitude, an adventurous spirit and a good sense of humor. For a while after my divorce, the only “dates” I went on were with my kids so that we could adjust to our new situation. Eventually, once I knew that they were OK, I began to focus on what I needed and I talked to my children about how I was going to start dating. Instead of being shocked, my teenagers were relieved that I was in a good place. I met my boyfriend Jacques shortly after getting into the dating scene again and my kids love him! He got to know them at their pace and, eventually, they became very comfortable with him being in our lives.
Here’s how I transitioned back into a social life while maintaining a happy home life:
Share with your children that you are ready to begin dating. Some kids become anxious when their newly single parent starts seeing other people. When I realized that Jacques was a keeper, I gradually introduced him into my life and eventually included him in family events when I felt that the time was right.
Balance your social life with your family life so that your children feel secure. Make special time (that does not include your new beau) for each child. I reserve nights just for Noel so that we can have dinner together and go to movies. Victoria is starting college next year, so I take her to tour schools and to explore new cities, where we go to restaurants and museums.
Wait to introduce your children to the person you are dating until the relationship is on secure ground, which can take months. I waited until I knew that Jacques was the guy for me before I introduced him to my children even though I knew they’d love him.
Reassure your children that you are there for them regardless of what is happening in your personal life. My kids understand that they always come first and I make sure they know this so that they feel secure enough to spend time with Jacques and me. Remember, your kids wait for you to come home just like your parents did when you were a teenager.
Keep your relationship details between you and your girlfriends. Your children are not your confidantes! Children are not mature enough to handle the ups and downs of adult relationships and you should not assume that they are.
Believe in yourself and you will find happiness. Have courage and keep an open mind when dating new people. Not every date ends in a relationship but every relationship begins with a date!
Countess LuAnn de Lesseps is one of the stars of the Bravo TV reality series “Real Housewives of New York City” and the author of “Class with the Countess: How to Live with Elegance and Flair” (available on Amazon.com). She lives in Bridgehampton, NY and Manhattan with her two kids, Victoria, 17, and Noel, 15.
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