When we came across Play-Doh cologne spray, our first thought was, "You've got to be kidding!" Our second thought was, "Talk about a man repellent."
If we were their marketing gurus, instead of touting the "fresh, just-out-of-the-can, "eau de PLAY-DOH" aroma," we'd be pitching it with something along the lines of: "Ladies -- Are you just not in the mood tonight but don't want to use the tired, old "I have a headache" excuse? You're in luck! Lightly dab the scent of Play-Doh on your wrists and your guy is guaranteed to give you a wide berth tonight."
It also got us thinking -- if a company is actually selling a Play-Doh perfume, what other kid-related scents could be bottled as the perfect man repellents? Perhaps department stores will, one day, display bottles of:
Eau de ParfumdeDiaper Cream: Not the lightly scented, expensive European stuff. Some guys actually go for that (don't ask). No, we're talking about thick, white, medicinal-smelling butt paste. If the noxious smell itself doesn't keep him away, the memory of the pungent diaper changes associated with the scent ought to do the trick.
Aroma of Strawberry Shortcake: A dab of this and men will leave you alone for a berry, berry, long time.
Essence of Jarred Baby Food: Any mom who's washed a jar of pureed chicken and vegetables out of her hair knows it's a lingering aroma. Dads know that a 7-month-old with a spoon can fling that stuff in some pretty unlikely places. So, chances are, if he smells it on you, he's going to avoid the risk of discovering it on you anywhere intimate.
Eau de Spit Up: Um, eau de EEW. While the fresh stuff is bad enough, to be a truly effective man repellent, it should evoke the aroma of spit-up that's been festering on an old T-shirt for hours on a hot summer's day. You won't have to put out until fall.
Cologne de Paste: The world seems to fall into two categories: paste-eaters, and paste-haters. Whichever camp your man falls in, this scent's got you covered. If he's a paste-eater, he'll get distracted and wander off to the kitchen in search of a snack, freeing you up to finish your book. If he's a paste-hater, a whiff of you and he'll start scouring the house in search of art projects to recycle. No nookie and a cleaner house -- you're all set!
For these, you are welcome. Spritz away, and then enjoy a night alone, eating ice cream, while wearing your favorite faded, flowered nightgown. You can even indulge in some trashy reality TV -- particularly the shows your husband loves to mock. You won't even need to leave a box of tampons out as a back-up measure. Go on, wear the granny panties.
Which baby-related scent would shoo off your man? Or got any other suggestions to share?
Dana Macario is a TODAY Moms contributor and Seattle mom to two sleep-depriving toddlers. She is currently developing an alarm clock that will start an IV coffee drip 10 minutes prior to wake-up time. Once properly caffeinated, she also blogs at www.18years2life.com.