April 16, 2013 at 12:38 PM ET
Relationship expert Eng. Yasmin Abouelhassan joins us to tell it like it is when it comes to men, marriage and commitment. If you are someone who is very ready to settle down, pay attention to the signs (and types of men) below:
In general, women tend to rely on words, whereas men rely on actions. So, when men speak sweetly to women, women believe them, even if they don't behave accordingly. Men, on the other hand, see how women behave, and interpret the behavior to mean what they want to believe, regardless of what the woman says.
This discrepancy between words and behavior is especially problematic in marriage-bound relationships. So, watch out if your man is one of these five types:
The "help me until I'm ready" guy. The "need help" type is totally entrenched in his own insecurities. He only talks about his own problems—never yours—but he wants a lady by his side because it makes him feel worthy. So, he keeps her there by asking her to help him "until he's ready." But, guess what: He'll never be ready, and so, he is not husband material.
The "dare to discuss marriage" guy. Since he knows women believe in words not actions, he dares talk about marriage and future plans with you, knowing it's what you want to hear. But that's all he'll do; no further action is ever taken. There is never a timeframe for actions; actions are even never discussed, and if they come up, the conversation suddenly goes in different directions.
The "be my guest and discuss marriage" guy. This guy lets you do all the talking about marriage you like. He knows you dream about it; he listens to you discuss it in great detail—where your home will be, what kind of furniture you'll buy, what kind of wedding you want. And when you ask him about dreams, he says, "Whatever you want, honey." Always look at his actions. If there aren't any, if he's all talk, he's not husband material.
The "bear with me" guy. He finds nice, logical excuses that seem acceptable. You know, he can't take action now because he's busy with his career, or his weight loss, or his parents' needs. You name it, and the statement is "Bear with me."
The "let's have fun first" guy. He sticks around for the thrill of the game. When the fun is out, he's onto a new adventure and a new thrill. He's not here for future plans or kids or family or even settling down and confiding in one woman. He wants and talks about fun and about sex. Whenever you talk marriage, the face changes, the fun ends, and the statement he repeats is, "You are spoiling the moment," hoping you'll eventually drop the subject. If you don't, soon he'll be out and about for another thrill.
More from eHarmony:
Sex as Glue: Staying in a Relationship for the Wrong Reasons
The 'Picky Problem' in Dating: How to Stop Sabotaging Your Love Life
Can I Get Him Back Without Seeming Desperate or Needy?
A version of this story originally appeared on iVillage.