Aug. 12, 2011 at 9:42 AM ET
When we asked for your mom secrets and confessions, some answers were truly shocking… shockingly HILARIOUS.
But a lot of you are having fun with this whole parenting thing. Many moms handle the stress with a healthy dose of humor and creativity. From imaginary toy-stealing gnomes to interesting interpretations of the food pyramid, we salute these moms for helping us recognize that no one’s perfect, and sometimes all you can do is laugh!
Here are our favorite answers to the survey question, “What’s your biggest parenting secret or confession?”
Best performance by an actress in a mommy role:
Handing the baby to my husband, and then acting surprised that she was full of poop. Done that many a time!
So maybe they won’t be firefighters:
I don't have the energy or discipline at the end of the day to get my kids to pick up their toys. Instead I made up a fictional dwarf that lives in fire hydrants and takes kids’ toys when they are left out at night. It works! They pick up their toys but they also hate fire hydrants.
Sha la la la la, that’s my story and I’m sticking to it:
I still insist to my daughter (now 13) that I'm friends with Van Morrison and he wrote the song "Brown Eyed Girl" for me.
Effective, but don’t send us the therapy bills.
My three year old is terrified of bees, so every time I need her to come inside off the patio I tell her "the bees are coming! The bees are coming!" And it works every single time.
If only this mom had negotiated the debt ceiling agreement:
I encouraged my toddler to give up her pacifier at nighttime by promising her popsicles for breakfast. :)
Eat your heart out, Martha Stewart:
Blame the messy house on my kids, when I know I was just too lazy to clean anything up.
Just like Dr. Seuss, except with a few more F-bombs
I taught my son to read to Eminem lyrics.
Santa and I are close personal friends:
I lie to my kids and tell them Santa Claus watches them from the air conditioning vent.
I told my children that I used to be an elf at the North Pole working for Santa until I got fired by a mean elf named Robin. It kept them believing when faith was waning.
Teething toy, drool catcher… is there nothing beer cannot do?
I let my infant soothe her teething gums with a cold beer bottle. She sits in my lap with me holding the bottle and she rubs her gums on the opening of the bottle. It's an empty bottle that I keep cold just for her. It's her favorite teether and a great drool catcher.
And broccoli gives you magic powers!
If you eat all of your green beans you will turn into a princess.
Can I have dinner at your house?
Sometimes I give my kids Oreos for dinner because I'm too tired to go through the challenge of finding something that they will both like and eat.
Sorry, nope, no more diapers.
I was frustrated with potty training, and I lied to my daughter and told her that they didn't make diapers anymore.
And my dust bunnies have never been crisper!
Monster spray - kids had nightmares, and difficulty falling asleep, so I used spray starch (before they could read) as "Monster Spray” - would spray under the bed in and the closet - it worked very well.
Who are these short people, and why are they calling me Mommy?
My 3 year old got her nickname because I couldn't remember her name the day after bringing her home from the hospital....so I sat on the couch looking at this little stranger who was a part of me crying and just called her "Goober."
Fun with body parts.
My kids still call their big toe the "head honcho" because of me and I just don't have the heart to tell them that's not what it's called, it's too cute.
And finally, we salute this mom with the Honesty Award for Creative Discipline:
I don't have any lies or secrets. I let people know all my crazy stuff. Nothing to hide. So I'll tell one of my crazy tactics. One day my two boys were picking at each other all day. They are 18 months apart and were 8 and 10 at the time. They just wouldn’t leave each other alone and could not get along for anything. So I took an arm from each of them -- one left arm, one right arm -- and tied them together with a robe belt. I told them they had to stay that way for an hour and figure out how to get along with each other. If they got worse, I'd add on another hour. One sulked the entire time while the other listened to his CD player. But they quit poking, picking and talking badly to each other. If they got that way again, I'd remind them, "Do I need to tie you two together?" My family would look at me like I was crazy until I explained the story.
Top that, moms! What's the funniest fib you ever told your kid?