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Sex, booze, and rock 'n' roll: Washington's wild week

April 20, 2012 at 3:03 PM ET

Cue the cheesy ’70s soundtrack and bad dialogue: This week in Washington has been the stuff of an X-rated flick. In Colombia, Secret Service agents and military personnel romped with prostitutes while, across town, the Secretary of State drank and danced in a Cartagena club (though her antics were positively G-rated by comparison). Meanwhile, turnabout is fair play according to several female state lawmakers who want to regulate “spilled semen” and compel rectal examinations for Viagra seekers.

So turn and cough: Here’s this week’s political roundup!

Boys behaving badly

The exploits of the Secret Service weren’t so secret this week when we learned that at least 11 agents and 10 military employees got down and dirty with as many as 20 Colombian prostitutes (we’ll give you a minute to do that math). The whole sordid affair came out when an agent tried to split the check for one of the prostitute’s services.

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Apparently the term BOGO (as in “buy one, get one”) didn’t translate as well as he thought it would; the lady of the night informed police (note that in Cartagena, the world’s oldest profession is legal). The chorizo hit the fan. The Obama administration and members of Congress are livid. The Secret Service is mortified. And several Secret Service “johns” are out of jobs.

The moral of the story? Always tip your server.

Str / AFP - Getty Images /
Boogie night: Hillary Clinton gets her groove on at Cafe Havana in Cartagena, Colombia on April 15.

Dancing queen

Meanwhile, across town, Secretary of State Hillary Clinton and some female aides proved that girls just wanna have fun too. They reportedly also took a late-night break from the Summit of the Americas in Colombia, let their hair down, had a few drinks, and hit the dance floor according to media reports and photos that surfaced. The former first lady-turned senator-turned Secretary of State is more than just a brainy broad in a pantsuit: She can also hold her liquor. (Clinton once challenged former Republican presidential nominee Sen. John McCain to a vodka-drinking contest back in 2004; the Arizona lawmaker told folks that Clinton was “one of the guys.”)

‘Record’ donations

Conservative rocker Ted Nugent might be a fan of GOP presidential hopeful Mitt Romney. But so far, he hasn’t put his money where his mouth is: According to the most recent Federal Election Commission record, Nugent hasn’t donated to Romney.

Steve Marcus / Reuters /
Right-wing rocker Ted Nugent said he would either be dead or in jail by next year if President Obama is elected. Presumably he did not mean he would contract a fatal case of cat scratch fever.

The award for big-buck donations from the record industry goes to President Barack Obama and the Democratic party. According to a report by the Center for Responsive Politics, “of the $1.4 million in political contributions given by individuals in the recording industry so far this election cycle, 80 percent” has gone to Democrats. Music power couple Will and Jada Pinkett Smith shelled out $71,000 to that party to help out with re-election efforts. Will.i.am of the Black Eyed Peas gave $35,800. Other big spenders include Barbra Streisand, Quincy Jones and John Legend.

As for Nugent, he recently found himself the target of Secret Service questioning after his comments that he would be “dead or in jail” if Obama is re-elected.

Parting shot

Apparently, what’s good for the goose is good for the gonads.

Several Democratic female state and city lawmakers who say they are tired of the bumper crop of laws this season aimed at curbing women’s reproductive rights decided to take matters into their own hands.

Oklahoma state senator Constance Johnson proposed a “semen spillage” amendment to a GOP-backed personhood bill that would criminalize wasting sperm.

Over in Illinois, state representative Kelly Cassidy wants men to have to watch a video on Viagra’s not-so-pleasant side effects (which may include “nausea, diarrhea and an inability to differentiate between the colors green and blue”) before getting a prescription. Her measure is a direct counter to a proposal forcing women to have a vaginal ultrasound before having an abortion.

And here’s an appropriate note to end on: In Virginia, state senator Janet Howell wants men to undergo mandatory rectal exams before getting Viagra.

Political contributor Halimah Abdullah is the site’s woman in Washington.

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