Ahhh, the secret mommy crush; it’s more common than you might think, or than some married moms might want to admit. We tend to link secret crushes with our innocent youth or adolescence. These early “puppy love” moments ultimately pave the way for our adult relationships, but crushes can happen to anyone, at any time, even to a happily married woman with kids. We’ll get into the reasons in a moment.
There’s often a mysterious quality about crushes. They tend to sneak up on a person with very little warning. They can come as easily as they can go. And here’s another little interesting tidbit about secret crushes: You can’t always pick who you have a crush on. Crushes produce that “Wow … what was that!?!” kind of feeling. The object of our crush is often someone who is a virtual stranger, someone you don’t really know that well (and probably don’t want to know that well, either). When the secret crush is a complete fantasy, these men can be anyone you want them to be. They can be perfect, unlike the real people in our lives, because reality is never perfect. Even though secret crushes are normal, for some moms this experience can feel quite scary, shameful or even scandalous.
Here’s the good news: Having a secret mommy crush doesn’t mean you’re a bad person, about to have an affair, in a bad marriage and/or that you married the wrong guy. So why do these crushes happen?
Secret crushes can make a woman feel like a woman again. It’s hard to feel like your sexy self when you’re constantly cleaning up dirty laundry, dirty diapers, helping the kids with homework or cooking all the time. Sometimes being a mom and wife, although terrific in countless ways, can get a woman feeling more like a servant than a supermodel.
Having a crush is really less about the other person and more about us having the feelings we want to have, i.e., like feeling alive, excited, exciting and beautiful. Sometimes crushes are motivators to do something nice for yourself, like work out or buy something pretty and new, activities that some moms have a hard time doing for themselves. Secret crushes, when not acted on, are safe, sexy yet simultaneously ego-boosting. This intoxicating feeling often happens during transitional moments in a woman’s life.
So the next time you find yourself having a secret crush, just enjoy it! All it really means is that you're still alive and remember what it’s like to feel like an attractive woman. Then go and use that extra zest for life to enjoy your fabulous husband and wonderful kids. Happy fantasizing!
Dr. Robi Ludwig is a nationally known psychotherapist, award-winning reporter and host of GSN's new reality game show, “Without Prejudice?” She can be also be seen Monday nights on “Nancy Grace” on CNN's Headline News. To learn more about Robi Ludwig and her work, you can visit: DrRobiLudwig.com.