Charlie Sheen's bosses: 'What can we do?'

Charlie Sheen goes to the hospital for " abdominal pain."

Charlie Sheen's released from the hospital.

Charlie Sheen supposedly parties with porn star after porn star and a briefcase full of cocaine (which his reps deny, of course).

How the hell does anyone keep up with this guy, anymore? And what the hell are his "Two and a Half Men" bosses thinking?

Well, here's the answer:

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"What can we do?" one of Sheen's top CBS superiors sighs about all of Sheen's tumult, including the Plaza meltdown two months ago, the rehab stints, as well as yesterday's screeching emergency-room headlines.

"He shows up to work, on time. He's polite, and he makes us hundreds of millions of dollars."

This is coming from a very high-up source at the network. Just one of several heads who are in an absolute quandary about what to do with Situation Charlie.

But, true to form, Sheen is expected back at work, as early as next Tuesday.

Jeez, it's amazing what hazardous human situations in this town are ultimately decided by money, huh?

In other words, if Mel Gibson was making anybody this kinda green, you can bet his racist rants would have been swept under the table.

But Charlie's biggest problem really is that he's one of those likeable bad boys. He plays himself on the show, for ef's sake!

So does that mean his behavior is acceptable? We say hell, no!

Then again, how many people will tune into his hit CBS show after the madness dies down?

This is all just a cry for help, so sad. What will it take to get people to really listen and take serious action? Not the worst, we sincerely hope.

VIDEO: Martin Sheen on Charlie