Actors, it's always gotta be about them, right?
Or Ricky Gervais.
Well, unlike charitable telethons or testimony before a Senate subcommittee, the Screen Actors Guild Awards are supposed to be all about the actors, whether we're talking Colin Firth or Jon Hamm or Natalie Portman or Tina Fey or that salty old broad, Betty White.
So what were the night's highpoints, lowlights and moments of absolutely headscratching bewilderment?
Most Surprising: It was wonderful how shocked Betty White seemed to be that she'd won, which was topped only by how much all of those in attendance seemed to be pleased as well. Justin Timberlake directed her to the stage, Jon Hamm trotted down to help her to the stage and Ernest Borgnine gave her a smooch (despite getting a lifetime achievement award when she's still a hot property at nearly the same age).
Least in Awe: We've been Hugh Laurie fans all the way back when he still British cutting up with Stephen Fry, but his facial expressions during the show, which seemed to suggest a feeling that he'd have preferred to be at home doing something else, just made us like him all the more.
Most Self-Conscious Pitches: Stars like Mark Ruffalo and Annette Bening and Colin Firth and his Kings Speech costars were trotted out to celebrate some very special films...starring them. That's weird even for actors, right?
Best Marital Shout-Out: Julianna Margulies thanked her in-laws for their wonderful son, her husband. We have to give props to the broadcast's director for immediately cutting to noted spouse-forgetter Hilary Swank for her reaction. (She seemed to approve, as well.)
Hottest Presenters: Taye Diggs and Sofia Vergara presented the dramatic ensemble award, which went to Boardwalk Empire.
Sexiest Cut-In: As Steve Buscemi bumbled his way through the speech for Boardwalk Empire, his costar Paz De La Huerta leaned over and purred something...that looked like it sounded important but looked even better.
Least Difficult Request: The words "Please welcome, Jon Hamm."
Best Surprise of the Night: During the acting kudos for Ernest Borgnine, it was noted that the legendary actor has "personally visited every veteran's hospital in America." He's had an amazing career, but that's an achievement that reflects on the quality of his character, which is something far more important. Way to go, Ernie.
Most Commercial: Noted pitchman Dennis Haysbert introduced a montage celebrating actors who do commercials. Now that's a switch.
Least Surprising: The expected people won for the most part, which shouldn't take away a thing from the proceedings, but it's unfortunate that the SAG awards couldn't mix it up a bit more to spread the wealth to folks like Jeremy Renner, Mila Kunis, Jennifer Lawrence and Hailee Steinfeld. That said, the people who won did great work.
Best Beard: If acting is at its heart all about facial hair, then the fulsome facial fuzz of Donald Sutherland deserved a very special award itself. Of course, if it isn't all about the hair, then perhaps its time to get that thing trimmed.