It’s my pleasure to report that the great “please” experiment of 2011 is getting some pretty pleasing results.
Unlike past attempts to get my kids to do a task consistently -- make their beds, stop hitting each other -- this one has actually
worked, thanks to consequences that are immediate and meaningful.
The experiment, now cemented into Mom Policy, goes like this: You ask for something without saying "please," and I simply
don’t respond, or just clear my throat loudly as a hopeful hint.
So when my children -- he’s 10 and she’s 6 -- say things like: “I’m thirsty,” “Can you get me a snack?” or “I want to buy something on
eBay,” they often get... silence.
Yes, I know I should have drilled this into their heads when they first learned to talk (and ask), but that lesson apparently fell by the wayside. And now, those darling kids of mine seem to be constantly asking, wanting, demanding, pleading for SOMETHING.
As moms, we hear their demands and instinctively react. Sure, let me get you a drink, what would you like to eat, and how much does that baseball card on eBay cost? We do these things (almost everything, really) for our kids because they need us.
But when you step back from the constant motion of mom life and listen, it’s a sound that -- without a dose of ‘p-word’ politeness -- can start to wear you down.
Thus the experiment.
It didn’t start off great. Both kids needed regular reminders to use their “please.”
And my son, not immune from a little preteen attitude, seemed to get a kick out of using the word in a voice that suggested that he was secretly using air quotes: “Can I PLEASE have some milk,” he’d say derisively.
Another view: Mayim Bialik explains why she doesn't force her kids to say please
But a funny thing happened on the road to civility. Over time, it began to work. My daughter even said she didn’t realize she was saying it.
Of course, there have been slip-ups and a few reminders to "try again." But it has almost become second nature for all of us -- for them to use the “p-word” and for me to remember to request it when they lapse. After all, doesn’t a mom deserve to be asked nicely for the 50 billion things her kids want every day?
Next up: The universal "Thank You," eye contact required.
Did you do anything special to teach your kids to say 'Please' and 'Thank You'?
Lisa A. Flam is a news and lifestyles writer who lives in New York with her husband and two children. She’d be a wealthy woman if she had a nickel for every time she asked her kids to eat over the table, but instead has a nightly date with the dust pan and sweeper.
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