It’s not so bad when babies cry. We know they’re just doing it to get basic needs met. We realize we committed to 3 a.m. lullabies and perpetual feeding, and years of diaper duty. We don’t mind, much, but once they can talk, shouldn’t our children express their needs in rational tones? Are complete sentences too much to ask?
The science of meltdowns
Fully functional toddlers continue to cry, and add whining, screaming, and destruction to their catalog of exasperating behaviors. On the bright side, these tantrums give us scientific insight into the human condition.
In a recent study, researche
rs at the University of Connecticut—who presumably did not have a raging child nearby—analyzed the acoustic features of temper tantrums. Yes, they listened. Findings included:
- Distinct characteristics of tantrum sounds can be categorized into the following: screaming, yelling, crying, whining, and fussing.
- The above correlated to two basic emotions: mad and sad.
- Intensity levels of the typical toddler meltdown varied over the duration of the tantrum, and with the intensity of emotion.
(I could have told them that.)
Related link: Get your toddler's meltdowns under control
Parents, where's our study?
Scientists believe this research provides valuable information about how we express and regulate strong emotions. Maybe, but I think they studied the wrong subjects. We may learn more about emotional responses by studying the parents’ emotional state, which includes more complex feelings and also escalates over the course of an “attack.” For example:
- Parents who respond calmly and immediately to a toddler’s demands are often CONCERNED, whereas those observed picking up pretzels from the kitchen floor for the fourth time today show signs of IRRITATION.
- Dissolving into a puddle of tears on the kitchen floor because a 2-year-old—in a fit of super-human proportions—has hurled creamed spinach onto the white carpet two rooms away, may indicate that the subject is SAD.
- Rolling of the eyes is often associated with SUSPICION that child in question is not actually “thirsty” but simply practicing manipulation techniques crucial for later years when he “needs” an iTouch.
- During a tantrum, a rise in blood pressure, heartbeat, and mild sweating can be outward signs of FEAR, perhaps that you will succumb to the urge to trade your screaming child to nearest traveling carnival for two packs of smokes and an oversized plush toy.
- Dropping an F-Bomb almost always signals that a parent is ANGRY. While this particular manifestation is usually followed by expressions of REMORSE, parents can only take so much. Seriously—what part of “yogurt all gone” do they not understand?
Fortunately, every tantrum sooner (God willing) or later comes to an end. At this time certain facial expressions observed after the second glass of wine are associated with ECSTACY. Trust me on this. I got my PhD in the Pediatric Academy of Two-Under-Two.
What are your emotional responses to the temper of your toddler, and how do you regulate them?
For more from TODAY Moms on the crazy world of parenting, check out these links:
How to tell if your baby is a super-genius
Stop the royal womb-watching madness!
Cherish every moment? Yeah sure, whatever
Lela Davidson is the author of Blacklisted from the PTA (Jupiter Press, imprint of Wyatt-MacKenzie, July 2011). Her writing is featured regularly in family and parenting magazines throughout the United States and Canada. She blogs about marriage, motherhood, and life-after-40 at After the Bubbly.