“There’s no such thing as work-life balance,” Facebook’s chief operating officer, Sheryl Sandberg, declared earlier this year.
Yes, Sandberg works for one of the hardest-charging tech companies around, and she has urged women to “keep their foot on the gas pedal.” But she has fessed up to one balancing act: Leaving work at 5:30 p.m. regularly so she can have dinner with her kids — something she’s been doing since they were born.
So just what is this work-life balance thing? And is there such a thing? At Working Mother, we think it’s something to strive for, to stump for, and that it exists—though it means different things to different people.
Some working moms, even those at leading-edge firms like Facebook, find themselves in a quandary today. Their company may offer a slew of work-life benefits, yet they’re reluctant to take advantage of them: Perhaps they see the quest for balance as a sign they’re taking their foot off the career “gas pedal.” Some moms work for companies that just haven’t gotten the message yet.
But smart working parents know it’s simply not sustainable to ignore the work-life balance question. Here, seven tips for those who want it.
1. Request a flex schedule. At more and more companies, flex time is a case of “ask and you shall receive”—it’s just good business. See if your boss will let you work one day a week at home, or come in and leave early some days so you can pick up your kids after school, or put in a full workweek in four days. If flex is a new idea at your firm, suggest a trial period. Then keep track of your productivity, so you can make the business case for a flex schedule over the long term. If your company won’t budge, consider moving to one that will.
2. Take your vacation days. Yes, all of them. Sounds sensible—those days are part of your compensation, after all. Recent research shows U.S. workers leave two vacation days on the table each year, on average (which adds up to 226 million unused days, or $34.3 billion worth of time). So take the time (and don’t check your email when you do). You’ll come back to the office refreshed, energized—and more productive.
3. Have a back-up care plan. Meetings run long, work emergencies happen, babysitters can’t make it, husbands get stuck in traffic, kids get sick—that’s just life. Acknowledge it and come up with a Plan B for those times when your kids need care and you or your partner can’t make it. Tap family members or local teens you trust. Or set up an informal network with a few other moms (and when they help you out, be ready to return the favor). Be as organized about this as you are about your work.
4. Get help from your husband. Research shows husbands are pitching in more on the home front—but women still do the lion’s share. Maybe you don’t want to fuss about that extra hour of housework, cooking and kid care you put in every day, but it adds up (365 hours a year—enough for two weeks plus of off-time). Ask your husband to take over some of the tasks you usually do, and don’t criticize his style, no matter how awkward (in fact, praise works wonders).
5. Seize the kid moments. Thanks to our culture of insane multitasking (which, by the way, makes you less productive), working moms have a hard time living in the moment. But you’ll never get the moments you have with your kids back. Whenever possible, evenings and weekends should be yours and theirs. Turn off your smart phone and savor them.
6. Take care of yourself. And do it your way. Maybe you relax by spending a couple hours in the garden. Or watching a goofy sci fi movie. Or cooking up a feast for friends. Or taking a night out with your girlfriends. Or making sure you get seven to eight hours of good sleep every night. Feels indulgent? It’s not. Pamper yourself a little and you’ll see a big payoff at work and at home.
7. Come to terms with yourself. Stop whirling around like the Tasmanian Devil, and every once and a while step back and really think about what you’re doing (it’s what good businesses do at those quarterly retreats). Are you living life by your own terms? Doing what you really want to do? What does your life mean, and how can you make it richer? Remember why you’re making the choices you make, and embrace them.
Carol Evans is president of Working Mother Media and CEO of NAFE and Diversity Best Practices. She is the author of This Is How We Do It: The Working Mother’s Manifesto. She is married and the mother of two grown children, Robert and Julia. Follow Carol on Twitter at @CarolWM
More TODAY Moms stories about working moms:
Working moms get real about the glory and the guilt