July 25, 2013 at 5:23 PM ET
In "Get More Dates Than Your Skinny Friends," lifestyle coach Kat Bacon urges readers to "be curvy, confident, and courageous" in their quest to find the perfect man. Here's an excerpt.
Don’t Let That Skinny Chick Take Your Guy
“Action may not always bring happiness; but there is no happiness without action.”
~Benjamin Disraeli, British prime minister
Putting yourself out there is scary. It’s much safer not to try at all.
You eliminate the risk of disappointment, but you also eliminate the potential for positive change. Sitting at home on a Saturday night curled up under a blanket isn’t going to get you the guy of your dreams. While you’re watching a Friends rerun and ordering a pizza, someone else could be grabbing your perfect guy. Do you want some skinny girl to get your guy because you didn’t seize the moment? You might get another chance, but the best properties don’t hang around the market for very long.
Famed nineteenth-century author Alfred Crowquill said, “Do not allow idleness to deceive you; for while you give him today, he steals tomorrow from you.” If you’ve taken the initiative to read this book, you clearly have the desire to date. What are you doing to turn your desire into a reality?
If you spend most of your free time at home hoping that a date will materialize from thin air and knock on your door, you are dreaming. Success begins the moment you realize that dating is about beginning. Start where you are, with all that you already have. Embracing your CCG training will help you take the first step.
Don’t waste your life preparing to take action. Get out of the house, off your butt, off-line, away from the TV, and get into life! Yes, life; that thing people on TV and celebrities in magazines live. You don’t need to be rich, thin, or stunning to have a fulfilling, multifaceted life; you just need the desire to live it. Don’t look back on your life and regret your complacency. Be curvy, confident, and courageous. Go out and take dates from those skinny girls!
Tom Hopkins, international author and speaker, wrote, “I am not judged by the number of times I fail, but by the number of times I succeed: and the number of times I succeed is in direct proportion to the number of times I fail and keep trying.”
Whenever you assert yourself and strive to achieve something, you risk failure. Curvy girls who are never disappointed are those who do nothing and expect nothing.
Listen to me: if you don’t risk rejection, you will never get the guy. It’s time to put on your big-girl pants and go for the gusto.
Opportunities for guy encounters are everywhere! The best opportunities are often found right under your nose, but you have to be on the lookout for them. In the span of a day, you can see several awesome date opportunities or you can see none. Take off those cynical specs and find your inner rose-tinted shades. You’ll soon find dating opportunities everywhere you look.
It’s time to take chances, to go outside your comfort zone and put yourself out there–everywhere. Be ready, even if you’re just heading to the gas station or grocery store. Always look your best, because any time is a good time to meet your next date.
A few years ago, my close friend Michelle was single and sick of dating. She called me the day before a Halloween party she planned to attend. The conversation went something like this:
Me: What is your costume?
Michelle: A mime.
Me: As in, a striped-shirt-wearing, white-faced, nonspeaking street performer?
Michelle: Yeah, a mime.
Me: You’ve got to be kidding me. Seriously?
Michelle: What’s wrong with that?
Me: You’re still looking for a guy, aren’t you?
Michelle: Yeah. . . .
Me: Well, when’s the last time you heard a guy say, “Damn, that is one sexy-looking mime!”?
I ultimately convinced her to go with a schoolgirl outfit—and it worked. Michelle met her husband that night. While I can’t take complete credit for their union, let me ask you this: would she have gotten that first date had she gone as a mime?
While I recommend that you always look your best when leaving the house, there’re going to be those moments when you have to leave the house looking . . . natural. Most women think they need to look their very best in order to be asked on a date. Experience would seem to bear this out; not many people get hit on in oversized sweats and no makeup.
This, however, is a reflection of how we feel, not how we look.
Confident people are magnetic; if you think you look great, people are inclined to agree. When you’re smiling and having a good time, guys find you more approachable. Nobody wants to be rejected, and a friendly, happy individual seems a safer bet for a “yes” than a gloomy wallflower.
It is your job to be as approachable as possible. Even when you’re wearing sweats and your hair is in a ponytail, you need to smile at him and even approach him with a simple question:
“Where is the pasta aisle?” or “Do you know what time it is?” Approaching him with a smile may just give him the nerve to talk to you and ask you out.
You may think approaching a guy is too forward, but let me reassure you that most available men love to be approached. You may encounter a man who doesn’t appreciate your approach, but that just means he wasn’t the right guy for you.
To summarize: make it easy on him!
Excerpted from GET MORE DATES THAN YOUR SKINNY FRIENDS by Kat Bacon. Copyright © 2013 by Kat Bacon. Excerpted by permission of Langdon Street Press. All rights reserved.