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Madonna's new lyrics sound like a first-person version of Cole Porter's "You're the Top."
updated 12/13/2005 2:46:34 AM ET 2005-12-13T07:46:34

Madonna believes that if she were a man, she’d be president.

At least that’s what the diva sings in a song that was left off her latest album. “Super Pop” was originally recorded as the 13th track for Madonna’s "Confessions On A Dance Floor" — but it was kept off and is available for download only to members of her official fan club. Some folks are saying that’s because only Madonna’s fans would forgive her for the less-than-humble lyrics.

In the song, Madonna says that she would always be the top in her field: “If I was a car, I’d be an Aston Martin.” She continues: “If I was a star, I would be who I am today/If I was a fighter, I’d be Cassius Clay/If I was emotion, I would be intense/If I was a man, I would be president.” And she says, if she were president, “I’ll be different.”

Some have defended the rather self-lauding lyrics as ironic or humorous. Not all agree.

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“If you thought the rap in ‘American Life’ [was] painful to the ears,” laments one listener, “wait until you hear this.”

G'day, mate, indeed
People are joking that Heath Ledger must be taking charm lessons from fellow Aussie Russell Crowe.

Posing at the New York premiere of “Brokeback Mountain” with girlfriend and the mother of his child Michelle Williams, Ledger told photographers to “say something to make us smile.”

When one lensman piped up that perhaps the twosome could “look as though you like each other,” Ledger let loose with a string of expletives. Ledger grabbed Williams’ hand, called the photographer a “[bleeping] [bleep]hole” and stomped off, according to the Sydney Daily Telegraph.

Earlier this year, the hunky but cranky actor threw eggs at photographers and gave them his middle finger, and cursed and spat at members of the media on the set of his flick “Candy.”

Notes from all over
Mary-Kate Olsen is the latest celeb to join the I Hate Paris Hilton Club. Celeb watchers have long suspected there was no great affection between the two — Hilton's boyfriend, Stavros Niarchos, ditched the Olsen twin for her — but now Olsen told W mag: “Paris and I always only had nice things to say about each other. Now I guess you can tell we’re not talking. It’s a hurtful and painful subject. I miss [Niarchos] and I love him, and I don’t speak with him anymore.”  . . .Sharon Stone and Robert DeNiro have been dubbed the worst celeb interviewees by one Hollywood correspondent. “Robert DeNiro was the worst interview of my life,” said Carla Romano of the U.K.’s ITV1. “He was monosyllabic to the point when I said: ‘Why are you doing this interview? You’re not talking. You’re not even looking at me.’ It didn’t make any difference, he continued to ignore me.” Romano said that she thoroughly enjoyed her interview with Stone until she made the mistake of asking what it was like to be single again. “She whipped her head round and barked at the cameraman: ‘Stop the tape!’” says Romano. “Then she turned back to me. ‘Get out!’ she snarled. My instinct was to laugh. She struck me as ridiculous.”  . . . Mischa Barton says that she’ll never get a boob job because she likes being “understated sexy.” The star of "The O.C." was asked is she’d like a larger bosom like her co-star, Rachel Bilson. “I’d be scared of having her boobs and voluptuousness,” Barton said, reports the London Sun. “I would never have a boob job. I like being understatedly sexy. Rachel’s curves make her more overtly sexual than I am.”

Jeannette Walls Delivers the Scoop Mondays through Thursdays on MSNBC.com

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