Help! I'm not in love with my boyfriend, but he's good to me

Dr. Gilda Carle

Need a quick answer to a relationship dilemma? Relationship expert Dr. Gilda Carle cuts through the fluff with her relationship advice in TODAY.com’s “30-second therapist” series.

Q: I love my man, and it's mostly because he takes very good care of me. He is a great guy with things that could be changed, but no matter how hard I try, I still don't feel that complete love for him that I think I should feel. If we took a break and came back together, things might be better. I feel trapped more than happy. What do I do?? —Desperately Seeking

1. More about relationships
   1. Why is my ex playing mind games?
   2. Is the '3 day rule' dead? Dating trends revealed
   3. 30-second therapist: Help! How do I make my ex love me again?
   4. 30-second therapist: My man doesn't pay any bills — should I leave him?
   5. My boyfriend doesn't buy me gifts — does he love me?

Dear Desperately Seeking,
Girlfriend, you’re “Desperately Seeking” a fairy tale, and it’s time you realize that even princes get zits!  You fantasize being in a state of constant beginnings, when love is hot, mysterious and excitingly uncertain. Once two people establish familiarity, however, they find there are always “things that could be changed.”

Your “trap” is a warped sense of love. If you broke up, and reunited, boyfriend would still have “things that could be changed.” And so would you, lady! New crushes are electrifying. But committed friendships are safe and ever present. Get counseling to determine what’s making you so miserable. Only then will you be able to improve your reality quotient. —Dr. Gilda

Q: It takes me a long time to fall for somebody but when I do, I fall hard. I've been single for a few months now, but my ex keeps texting and phoning me. She travels a lot, and is out of town 2 to 3 months at a time. I'm still in love with her, yet we both wish to remain friends. She says she's no longer in love with me. She speaks in double entendres. How do I keep from hoping the double-speak is not what I wish it to be and give myself time to heal? —Need the Truth

Dear Need the Truth,
Well, it’s plain why you paired up with someone who uses “double entendres.” Your question, “How do I keep from hoping the double-speak is not what I wish it to be,” is impossible to decipher. So you two made a lovely pair—until she pulled the plug. The “truth” you say you “need” is that you’re kissing up to your ex as a “friend” in hopes for reconciliation. Bad move, dude!  My Gilda-Gram™ warns, “Don’t graft your lips to someone’s sphincter.” Remove yourself from girlfriend’s net immediately by ignoring her communiqués. In time, you’ll heal. But as long as you continue to participate in this untruthful game, you’ll remain the suffering victim. —Dr. Gilda

Want Dr. Gilda to answer your relationship questions? Click here to send them in!

Dr. Gilda Carle is the relationship expert to the stars. She is a professor emerita, has written 15 books, and her latest is “Don’t Bet on the Prince!”—Second Edition. She provides advice and coaching via Skype, email and phone.